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The Child’s Education in Islam
Author: Ismail Abdullah
www.alhassanain.org/english
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This versionis published on behalf of www.alhassanain.org/english
The composing errorsare not corrected .
Table of Contents
Introduction By Imam Ali {peace be upon him} Foundation 6
INTRODUCTION BY MARKAZ RISALLAH 7
Preface 8
Chapter One: General Method Of Training in Family Relation 9
Firsly: Agreement on Joint Method 9
Secondly: Cordial Relations 10
Thirdly: Observance of The Right and The Obligations 12
Fourthly: Abstainance From Instigating Problems and Differences 13
Fifthly: Caution From Divorce 16
Notes 18
Chapter Two: The First Stage: Stages Before Intercourse and During Pregnancy 20
Firslty: Stage Before Intercourse 20
1- SELECTING WIFE 20
2- SELECTING HUSBAND 21
3- THE RELATION BEFORE PREGNANCY AND THE COMPOSITION OF THE CHILD 22
Secondly: The Pregnancy Stage 23
1- COAGULATION OF THE FOETUS 23
2- THE FIRST ENVIRONMENT FOR THE CHILD 24
A- CARES FOR THE MOTHER'S FEEDIN 25
QUINCE (SAFARJAL) 25
MILK 25
DATES 25
B- CARE FOR THE PSYCHOLOGICAL SOUNDNESS OF THE PREGNANT WOMAN 26
Selecting A Spacious House 26
PROVIDING ALL THE WOMAN'S NECESSITIES 26
GOOD DEALINGS WITH THE WOMEN 26
Notes 27
Chapter Three: Second Stage: The Stage After Birth 29
Firstly: Birth Day Cermonies 29
SECONDLY: CONCENTRATION ON BREAST FEEDING 30
Notes 33
Chapter Four: The Third Stage: Early Childhood Stage 35
Firstly: Teaching Child The Cognition Of Allah The Most High 35
Secondly: Emphasis on The Love For The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) and The Ahlulbayt (peace be upon them) 36
Thirdly: Educating The Child on Obedince to The Parents 37
Fourthly: Doing Good to The Child and Honoring Him 38
Fifthly: Equality Between Distress and Leniency 39
Sixthly: Equity Between Children 41
Seventhly: Freedom in Playing 45
Eighthly: Training and Distancing The Child From Excitements 47
Ninethly: Emotional Development 50
Tenthly: Care For The Orphans 51
Notes 53
Chapter Five: The Forth Stage: The Youth and Idolescence Stage 56
FIRSTLY: CONDENSED EDUCATION 57
SECONDLY: HASTE IN TEACHING 59
THIRDLY: TRAINING CHILD ABOUT OBEDIENCE 60
FOURTHLY: SUPERVISION OF THE CHILD 63
FIFTHLY: PROTECTION FROM SEXUAL PERVERTION 63
SIXTHLY: CONNECTING THE CHILD WITH GOOD MODEL 64
Notes 65
IntroductionBy Imam Ali {peace be upon him} Foundation
The root of Islamic education gain itsfountain head from what came in the Book of Allah the most High in the origin and good elevated Ethics till the prophet {s.a.w.a} said: "My Lord educates me and give me a sound education". When we ponder the situations of the Ignorantsociety the prophet was sent to,
we meet that they were completely lack of spiritual personality or a commended conduct........ Then ponder over how the holy Prophet was able in the midst of this tedious environment with morale and in a very shortperiod of time to produce from them the best Nation among men. Verily the Prophet {s.a.w.a} was able to do that due to his high level of Ethics and his faith for human personality and his due respect to it.
That is why Allah the most High has said in his respect: "Surely thou art upon a mighty morality".
When we ponder over his words, advices and his sermons in this field, we will see the purpose and what it meant, it is in it self a law suitable to emerge an origination on it, then his sayings {s.a.w.a} "Good child is a scent from the scents of the Paradise" or his saying {s.a.w.a} "Who ever kiss his child, Allah will write good deeds for his and whoever teaches him Quran, the parents will be prayed for and covered with two garment that the inhabitant of the Paradise shines from their light".
You will found that mercy, love and sympathy drop from this word that the child needs from the foster parents in order to emerge as a good and fair origination.
When Imam Ali's {peace be upon him} foundation put forward before the readers of this book that was translated to English language it aimed to easy the ways to attain the fundamentals of Islamic education, believing on the responsibility that was on her, that Islam present the divine great trust to the people with its magnificent pictures and good condition.
INTRODUCTION BY MARKAZ RISALLAH
The past and present scholars of child training have tried to guide to the comprise method of training with precise ways, fundamental and a guaranteed criterions by studying what is fit for the stage of childhood. In thisrespect they have given much struggles and continuous hardship till they were able to reach views,
suggestions and advices that will lead one to value and benefit (in terms of theoretical aspect) but with all this effort they were not able to precise an accurate method which is reliable in solving difficult problems that will protect this sensitive stage of human life. They were also not able to solve the daily increasing difficulties one after the other that are facing the fathers, the mothers (parents) and teachers in this respect.
Unfortunately may be many Muslims have followed on the western schools (especially this practitioner fields) to we achieve from them their method of training, and it miss them that there are successful remedy in Islamic laws to solve all this difficulties for them. Verily there are assistance and unexhausted advices, guidance,
teachings and the life history of the great Messenger of Allah (Peace be upon him and his descendants) and that of the biography of the Ahlulbait (Peace be upon them) if they utilized in the field of education and applied in many areas, it could have been enough to establish the best fundamentals and the highest exemplary in the mind of the child to set him up as a fair and sound formation and to make him a sound personality that will be able in his own role to build the community.
Verily the Islamic method that is able to precise its feature and its laws relying on the holy Quran, the tradition of the biography of the Prophet and all that was transmitted from the infallible Imams (Peace be upon them) aimed at establishing a prudent education for the child before the commencement of coagulation of the embryo in the womb of the mother and it continue with him till he is matured from incapability passing through the stage of pregnancy, birth, breast feeding and early childhood.
O' my dear readers the book before you was able to precise the feature of Islamic education that in a form to prepare the child psychologically, mentally and morally base on the verses of the Quran, the traditions from our great Prophet (Peace be upon him and his descendants) and from the Ahlulbait (Peace be upon them). It also benefits from the modern studies in this field.
Our center is pleased to present this beneficial and interesting lessons in giving its quota in assistance to the fathers, mothers and workers in the child education, that was to simplify the clear and most perfect method and secured in bringing up a child with a sound and good originations, so that he gives his desired role.
Preface
The family is the first fundamental institute what in the surplus Social institutions that takes the responsibility of preparing the child before reach in to the society so that he can become an active element for its continuity base on competence, good and active construction. The family is the first point where the origination of one as member of human being, so it is where all positive and negative effect begins.Therefore Islam gives a special consideration to the family that fit its role while discharging his responsibility.
It has then laid down fundamental laws in organizing it and regulates its affairs distributing the specialties and specifies the duties that they are responsible to execute especially training the child with a sound and fair education equilibrated in all aspects of personality, thought,emotion and conduct.
Islam calls for the protection of the family entity and to distance its members from devastation and destruction and all that will lead to creation of confusion and chaos in the relation, which will leads to forfeiture of the child with crumbling theentity which protect and prepared them for future for those anticipating for them.
The Islamic teachings and guidance came to create sound atmosphere in order to develop the child physically, emotionally, morally and his concept.Through fair development it gives ability to the child or a future human being a resistance of inconstancy of the life and rise against its burden, because of this, Islamic method commence with the child from early stages, with marriage relation pass through delivery (birth) nursing and stage before the age of puberty ending when he gain complete independence after self reliance.
We divided the discussion here on chapters:
In the firstchapter we deal with the general method of training in family relation. In the secondchapter we deal with stages before pregnancy and during pregnancy. For the third chapter we deal with the stage after birth (the stage ofbreast feeding ). In the forth chapter we deal with things that connect with the stage of early childhood and lastly we deal with the youth and Adolescence stage in the fifth chapter.
We will benefit from the verses of the Holy Quran and Narration that specially related from the Ahlulbait (Peacebe upon them) and also we will benefit from the modern facts.
{And from Him the most High we obtain help and settlement}
Chapter One: General Method Of Training in Family Relation
The family relation has an important role to play in building the family and strengthening the relation among its members, it has effect in the growing and bringing up Childs and conveying him to the stage of independence and perfection.
The thought, psychology and affectionate atmosphere that the family creates for the child gives him the ability to take a serious form in his self, his family and his society. From this point of view, verily the child is in need of training methods to organize its mode of life. Then to urgethe role, the obligatory and precise the competence to guide the effective relation while commencing the child training. The precise guides to the methods of training are as follows:-
Firsly: Agreement on Joint Method
The adopted method in life that is effective in ones conduct is the one that makes ones faith and internal feelings towards true behavior and change this movement to firmly established custom. Ones habit remains interacting with designated teachings and programs. Unity of method is the criterion and Measures use to elevate ones conduct in terms of far and near teachings and subjected programs.
It is then on the parent to conjoint on a collective method that will identify to both of them, the relations, role and the obligations in different angles.
The Islamic method with its stable laws is the best method necessarily tobe adopted by Muslim families because it is a divine method stipulated by Allah the most High and the absolute Master on entire life and acquainted with all issues and complicatedness in life.
It is a method that is suitable with human nature, no anyobscure nor ambiguity in it because there is no responsibility with in-ability. This is a point of acceptance by a Muslim and a Muslim family that all instructions and laws of conduct derivedit's strengthen and efficient from Allah the most High. This peculiarity makes the family to have the certainty and affirmation right inside him by following this method. Then there is no chance to argueit's genuine or ineffectiveness.
It is enough to accomplish the felicity in the family that collaborates to give right and fair training to the child. If any disorder or lapses in relationship occurred when observes some of the roles, verily the Islamic method of teaching is there to intervene to put an end to it. The Islamic method has given general laws in dealings, relations, roles and in conduct but branches of the laws or the details of the general laws and its substantial are differs base on the changes of place and time.
It is then incumbent on the parents to concord on the details of the implementations, on laws and criterions that are firmly accepted by both of them, there is no difference in the relation between both of them or the relation between them and the children and that of the method of training that is necessary to apply with them, because difference in ways and methods of dealing with the child will lead to understandable measures and laws of conduct with the child.
The child will then try to be contended with the father one way and the mother the other way, all this leads to the child's psychological,sentimental and behavioral disorder. The children which were brought up from a home that the parents are not conjoined in training him are always in dilemma than those brought up from a conjoined trained home.[ 1]
Secondly: Cordial Relations
Among the incumbent duties of the parents is to establish cordiality, stability and tranquility in the family.
The most High said: {and one of His signs is that: He created mates for you from yourselves that you might find rest in them and He ordained between you love and mercy.....} [2]
Relation between husband and wife is cordial and kind relation. This relation pacifies the soul, calm the nerves, tranquil to the soul and comfort to the body.
Cordiality is the bonds that holds the family together and strengthen its formation and its continuity as one entity. Cordiality and blessing leads to exchange of respect and real assistance in solving difficulties and problems that occurs to the family. Cordiality is necessary in order to equilibrate theemotional feelings in the child. DR. Sapok says: (The child's personal and elementary tranquility is always in need of firm relationship with the parents and both of them (i.e. the parents) need to come together in confronting livesresponsibility[ 3] .
It is incumbent on the husband and wife for perpetual cordiality in their relations in all stages. I.e. stages before thechild birth and the preceding stages. Allah has made cordiality compulsory and perpetual cordiality will be a result to observing His call and nearness to Him.
Imam Ali bn Al-Hussein (peace be upon him) has recommended that and said: "Your Right as herdsman for what you have possess through marriage are: - to know that Allah has made her your dwelling, places of relaxation, intimacy and protector like this it is compulsory for the both of you to praise Allah for His companionship and knows that, that is a benefaction from Him on you.
It is incumbent to make good friendship with this benefaction of Allah, respecther and be kind with her even though your Right over her is heavier. Your obedience over her is compulsory on what you like and what you dislike which is not sin. Verily she owned the Right of blessing, intimacy, place of relaxation and compliance to your delectation that there is no doubt of it, though that is the most great out of all...."[4]
Verily the Ahlulbait (peacebe upon them) has focus on perpetual relations, love and intimacy in the family. Their advices directed to every men and women.
The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "The best among you is he who does well to his wife and I am better than you in doing goods to my wife"[5] .
Imam Jaafar Ibn Mohammad Assadiq (peace be upon him) said: "May Allah bless a servant that does well between himself and his wife"[6]
The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Whoever takes a wife should honor her"[7] .
The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Jabra'il (peace be upon him) warned me about women until I deem it is not necessary to divorce her except in case of a clear Adultery"[8] .
The sayings of the Ahlulbait (peacebe upon them) and their advices in doing goods to women and honoring them is one of the factors that assist the continuation of cordiality, blessing and love.
Already the Ahlulbait (peacebe upon them) has advice women that will lead to her perpetual cordiality, love and blessing if she adhere to it.
Among it is obedience to her husband.
The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants)said: "If a woman prays five times daily, fast in its month, guides her private part and obeyed her husband, she will enters the Paradise from any door she wishes"
The holy Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "There is no benefit a man enjoys after Islam than a Muslim wife, he feels happy when glance at her, she obeyed him when he commands her, she guides herself and her husband's properties when he is absent from her"[9] .
The prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) encouraged women to adopt a good method that will lead to her perpetual cordiality and blessing by inducing the husband's heart and his emotion.
(A man came to the Prophet (peacebe upon him and his descendants) and said: I had a wife, she received me when I enter, she escorted me when I go out, if she saw me in an anxiety she said to me what worried you?If you worried of your provision, verily other than you will take care of it, if you worried about your hereafter, may Allah increases your worries, then the prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "gives her a glad tiding of entering Paradise and said to her: verily you are one of the Allah's employee and she has rewards of seventy Martyrs to you". In another Narration, Allah the Great and Almighty has employed and she is among the employee of Allah and she has half rewards of a martyr)[ 10] .
Imam Mohammad Ibn Ali Al-Baqir (peace be upon him) said: "Women struggles are to possess a good husband"[11] .
Among the factors that assist in preserving cordiality, likeness and acquiring love of the husband are to be broadmindedness to him and grant all that he wanted.
Imam Jaafar bn Mohammad Assadiq (peace be upon him) said: "The best among your women is she who takes off all her shyness when alone with her husband and wear the shyness when she wears her dress"[12] .
She opened to her husband with extent of his abdomen, in other words she equilibrate between respects and unburdened.
Imam Ali bn Al-Hussein (peace be upon him) confine the factors that deepened the cordiality and love inside the family and said: "There is no sufficiency for a husband in three things that between him and his wife, they are: - to succeed in attracting her consent, love and her mind, his good conduct with her, his effort to draw her mind with good looking before her sight and his being open handed to her.
And there is no sufficiency for a wife to be successful in three things that is between her and her husband, they are: - to preserve herself from all squalor which will make him leaving trust and rest of mind in her in terms of affectionate and adversity, his reservation so that it will be affectionate on her to be with her in stumble and show him love with fascination and to beautifies herself before him"[13] .
The cordial relations, blessing and love are necessary in all stages of life especially in pregnancy and breast feeding stages because wife is in need of tranquility and emotional constancy, all that have effect on the embryo and the child in the stage of breast feeding as it will come later in our subsequent discussion.
Thirdly: Observance ofThe Right and The Obligations
Islamic system has stipulated Rights and Obligations for the spouses and observing it has a surety of spreading constancy and tranquility in the family's atmosphere. Then the restriction from both spouses with stipulated Rights and obligations will contributes to the deepening their periods, strengthening their peaceful relationship and refutes all kinds of probable tensions and enmity which have negative impacts on the role of the equilibral emotional feelings of the child.
Guardianship is the most important Right of the male spouse, Allah the most High said: {Men are in charge of women, because Allah has made some of them to excel others, and because they spend out of their property (for the support of women).}[14] .
Then it is compulsory to the wife to observe this Right because family will not move without guardianship. Men's guardianship is the appropriate for the natural differences in body andemotional feelings of both spouses. She needs to observe this guardianship in her dealings with the children and to made them feel the position of their father.
The next important Right after guardianship is the assertion in the sayings of the Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) while answering question of a woman that asked about the Right of husband over the women and he (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "to obeyed him and not to disobeyed him, don't be on voluntary fasting without his consent, don't prevent him of herself even though she is at the back of camel and don't go out of his house except his permission"[15] .
Among the right of the male spouse the Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said:" Right of the male spouse on the women is to switch on the lamp, to prepare the meals, to welcome and receive him at the door of her house, to provide him with wash basin and handkerchief, to purify him and not to prevent him of herself except any reason"[16]
For the important of observing this Right the Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Women has not fulfill the Right of Allah until she has fulfill the Right of her husband"[17] .
Islamic system has also laid down the Right of the wife that is compulsory to the husband to observe.
On authority of Imam Jaafar bn Mohammad Assadiq (peace be upon him) why answering the question of Ishaq bn Ammar regards the Right of women on her husband, he (peace be upon him) said: "He should satisfies her stomach, to shroud her dead body and forgives her ignorance"[18]
The holy Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) answered a question asked by khulat bint Al Aswad regards the Rights of women, he (peace be upon him and his descendant) said: "to feed you with what he eats is your Right on him, to clothes you with what he wears with, not to slap you and not to shout on you"[19] .
Among her right is for the husband to honor her and his good companionship with her. The Commander of the Faithful (peace be upon him) in his Will to Mohammad bn Hanafiyah said: "Verily women is a sweet basin, she is not a house keeper, then revolve her in all condition, and make good companionship with her to purify your livings"[20] .
Among the Right of the wife and the rest members of the families is to satisfy their material needs. The holy Prophet (peacebe upon him and his descendants) said:
"Who struggles for his families, is like those that fight the holy war (Jihad) for the sake of Allah"[21] .
He (peacebe upon him and his descendants) said: "Woe on to those that forfeit his families"[22] .
He (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "The women's Right on her husband is to obstruct her hunger, to cover her nakedness and not to distort her presence, by Allah if the husband does that he has observed her Right"[23] .
Compliance to the Right of the male spouse by the wife and that of the female spouse by the husband is compulsory as it leads to constancy of the family's atmosphere, the positive reaction will made the both spouses to work towards the bless of the family and that of the children. Constancy of the women during pregnancy stage,breast feeding and the early infancy has effect on the baby's constancy and his tranquility. Moving towards the light of that premeditated from advices,guidance and orientation will originate personal independence in the child in terms of his thought, emotional feelings and his ways of life.
Fourthly: AbstainanceFrom Instigating Problems and Differences
The problems and differences in the family will create tense and constricted atmosphere, threatening the family's constancy and firmness.It may even in most cases leads to splitting and destroying the marital relation of the family which will be the cause of anxiety to the whole members of the family especially the children where as the differences and the constricted situation between the parents will lead to the draw back of the child stability and emotional in-balance in all the stages of his life commencing from the early stage of his pregnancy, his infancy and other preceding stages.
The intense atmosphere leave its impact on the child's future personality (verily the behaviorism unrest and psychological ailments that affected the child in his early stage and his future old age is a result of wrong dealing of the parents like material friction which create tense in family's atmosphere that do seize the child's psychological safety)[24]
Scholar Jirard Fujan says: (The mother in the house who did not possess enough discretion as a human being, mother and wife will not be able to induce the feelings of security)[25] .
Feeling secured and constancy are the most important factors for the child's personality and his prudent building but in a condition where there is a continuous differences and tense this feeling seize to exist while the child will be in a state of dilemma and perplex ion, in this type of situation,
he don't know what to do, he is not able to stop the conflict and the controversy especially if it is accompanied with violence, he can't take stand with one of the parent nor the other. In addition in order to take the child near to every one of them, they will try to establish their Right by accusing the opposite side for initiating the problems and the differences, all this leaves a dark point in the mind, brain and in the wishes of the child.
DR. Sapoksays: (Verily the psychological clinics witness thousand of situation from the children that were brought up from the midst of the family that are full of severe differences, those children feel differ from other human beings at their old age and lost trust from their soul. They fear of establishing sound emotional relations because he deem the meaning of formation of family was to create differences between each other in the house and exchange of humiliation)[26] These types of differences and constrictions that do occur differ from one family to the other and ways of expressing constrict in the family.
It can be harsh,abusive and continuous humiliations and it may be beatings and physical punishment. The child at his own side will pick up allthese practices that occurred as a result of the differences in the family and reflect in his present and future ways of life. That is why we see some child humiliating or even beating their mothers or applies the same method with his wife at his old age.
In order to protect this constrictions and differences between the two spouses or to reduces its psychological and emotional effects or to curtail and put an end to it, Islam has laid down a perfect method to remove the differences and constrictions. It has passed in the previous point which was emphasizing deepen of cordiality and blessing with in the family and had laid down programs for the Rights and obligations between the two spouses.
The most important of such program will free the method of selecting ones spouse as it will soon comes. The Islamic method is depends on the ways of urging and encouraging precaution against the occurrence of difference or tackling its beginning or solving it after it has occurred, a method to restrain and censured those practicing controversy or things that leads to it.
The holy Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "the best men among my nation are those who did not attack their families nor be unjust with them and sympathize with them"[27] .
Imam Mohammad Al-Baqir (peace be upon him) has encourage endurance of offence because retaliating offence with offence widening the circle of controversies and constrictions.
He (peace be upon him) also said: "Allah will free him from hell fire and make incumbent for him to enter paradise who ever endure an offence from his wife"[28] .
And the prophet (peace be upon him and his decedents) has encourage men to be patient for the bad conduct of his wife, he then said: "Allah will reward who ever for bear the bad conduct of his wife like that of the reward of Prophet Ayub (peace be upon him) in his affliction"[29] .
If not that the Prophet (peace upon him and his descendant) has recommended us to be patient from the wife's misconduct itcouldn't has been usual.
Then it becomes dearest and desirable from the side of a religious male spouse to be patient with contentedness and satisfaction through that will not amount to humiliation of his dignity. Emulating the Prophet's (peace be upon him and his descendants) ways of dealing with his wives will reduce many constricts like wise by emulating the conduct of Ahlulbait (peace be upon them).
Imam Jaafar bn Mohammad Assadiq (peace be upon him): "my father (peace be upon him) had a wife did hurts him but he did forgives her"[30] .
The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) forbid using violence with the wife, he said: "Any man that slap his wife, Allah will command the Angel of the Hell fire to slap his face seventy times in the Hell fire"[31] .
And Imam Jaafar Assadiq (peace be upon him) has encouraged mutual understanding in order to abstain from intense controversies, he then said: "The best among your women is she who said to her husband if she is annoying or was annoyed, my hand is your hand, I will not use an eyeliner on the twinkle of my eye until you are pleased with me"[32] .
On the authority of Imam MohammadAl-Baqir (peace be upon him): "And women's struggle is to endure from what she envisage from the husband regards hurt ness and jealousy"[33] .
The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) has forbidden wife from attitudes that will lead to encourage of controversies, he (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "The most wicked among your women is she who is subservient to her family and feel nobility before her husband, spiteful barren, who did not fear evil, adorning in absents of her husband, descent in the presence of her husband, she don't hear her husband's sayings and don't obey his ommandment, she seriously rejected her Husband in their privacy from mounting on her, she doesn't accept his excuses nor forgives his short comings"[34] .
The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) has also forbid women from charging her husband more than his ability, he in this respect said: "Any women enters with her husband about her expenditures and demands more than his ability, Allah will not accept her spending and justice except she returns and demands base on his ability"[35] .
The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) also forbids women from reminding her favors on the husband, he (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "If a woman went to her spouse with the whole Gold and Silver on the Earth and one day beat her husband's head and said to him, who are you? The wealth is mine, Allah will destroy all her good deeds even though she is the most subservient among the people except she repents and returns to seek pardon from her husband"[36]
The Prophet (peacebe upon him and his descendants) has cautioned the women from confronting her husband with bitter word in order to affect his nerves. He (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Allah will not accept the spending, justice and good deeds of any woman that hurt her husband with her tongue until she pleased him"[37] .
The Prophet (peacebe upon him and his descendants) has forbidden abandonment as it is considered to be introduction to splitting and separation of relations. He (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "She is an oppressor who abandoned her husband and she will be resurrected from the bottom of Hell fire with Fir'aun, Haamaan and Qaarun except she repent and return"[38] .
If all these recommendations are completely observed it is enough to quench all sorts of tenses and constrictions and if the two spouses were not able to observe those recommendations their differences should far away from the ears of the children like wise the exchange of negative views, humiliation and accusation also should far away from their hearings. They should made the children to understand that controversies are natural events, that they like each other while both spouses should try to put and end to their controversies in their earliest convenient time.
Fifthly: CautionFrom Divorce
Islam has cautioned from divorce and putting an end to marital relations because of the negative effects that leaves on the two spouses, thechildren and the society. Divorce is thefountain head of anxiety, psychopath, illness in emotion and conduct of the children where as the child is in needs of equal love and kindness from the both parents.
Even by just pondering overdivorce it originates unrest and anxiety inside him and remains in continuous fears and troubles that negatively reflect in his emotional and personal stability. Verily Islam has laid down methods of relations and its continuation because of the obstacles preventing reaching thedecision which do destroy families and prevents marital relationships, and caution from divorce in different places. The holy Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Jibra'il (peace be upon him) warns me of women until I deem it not necessary to divorce them except in a clear atrocity"[39] .
Imam Jaafar Assadiq (peacebe upon him) said: "There is nothing that Allah has made lawful but dislike except divorce; Allah hates those that derive pleasure from quick divorce"[40] .
He (peace be upon him) said: "Verily Allah the Great and Almighty loves the house having two spouses and dislikes the house having divorce and there is nothing more hateful to Allah other than divorce"[41] .
Islam has urged us to take and arrange objectivity to prevent the occurrence of divorce and call for strengthening the love and cordial relations andit also call for resolving the problems and controversies that do lead to divorce and ordered for peace loving.
Allah the most High said: {.... But consort with them in kindness, for if ye hate them it may happen that ye hate a thing where in Allah has place much good}[ 42] .
And urge reconciliation and restoration of the family ties, Allah the most High said: {If a woman fearth ill treatment from her husband, or desertion, it is no sin for them twain if they make terms of peace between themselves and peace is better}[43] .
Then reconciliations are better thannon reconciliation , for the fact that minds and feelings differs from one time to the other. Islam has verily urge for reconciliation and negotiation before taking decision for separation. Almighty Allah said: {And if ye fear a breach betweenthem twain (the man and wife) appoint an arbiter from his folk and an arbiter from her folk. if they don't desire amendment Allah will make them of one mind. Lo! Allah is ever Knower, Aware}[ 44] .
If all trial for reconciliation and restoration of the relation to its normality is not beneficial and if the tenses and constrictions did not need any thing other than divorce then possible divorce is a bliss for the both spouses but it will have psychological effects on the child and it will reflect in to his mode of life, that is why Islam granted another ample chance for restoring the marital life once again. Islam gives the Right of the restoration to the male spouse with the waiting period (Iddah) for the women after the taking place of divorce without new contract (Aqd) and after the said waiting period (Iddah) for the women but with new contract (Aqd).
It has also given the Right of restoration to man after the first and the second divorces if there is actual separation after all the unsuccessful trial to restore the marital relationships, and then it is incumbent on the parents to observe the feelings of the child and grant him love and sympathy.
It is also incumbent on them to provide the atmosphere that will assist the childregards his faith and safety of his parent's conducts. Henceforth Islam has forbade slandering, backbiting and unveiling ones short-comings, with these, the child will be able to endure the shock that arise from the divorce.
But if all these styles are not observe while both parents always try to unveil the short-coming of each other before the child, the child will hate the life and despise himself and it will reflect in his emotional feelings towards his both parents. He will love them but at same time will hate them for knowing the parent'sshort-comings . He then remain living in a continuous unrest and anxiety, his grief will increase one day after the other and negatively reflect in his societal and his future family relationships.
Notes
[1] - Ilmi Nnafs Attarbawi: 111 - by Dr. Fakhir Aqil - printed by Darul Ilmi malayeen 11th edition.
[2] - Quran 30:21
[3] - Mashaakilil Abaa fi ttarbiyatil Abnaa: 44 - by DR. Sapok - printed by Mu'asasatul Arabiyah li dirasah wanashri 3rd edition-1980 A.D.
[4] - Tuhfal uqul by Harrani: 188 printed by maktabatul haidariyyah- Najaf 5th edition 1380 A.H.
[5] - Manla yahdurhul faqeeh vol - 3: 281 - by suduq / 14th chapter- Right of women on husband.
[6] - Manla yahdurhul faqeeh vol-3:281 by Suduq - printed by Daru saab- Beirut 1401 A.H.
[7] - Mustadrakil wasaa'il vol - 1: 550 -by Nurri - printed by maktabatul Islamiyah Tehran 1383 A.H.
[8] - Manla yahdurhul faqeeh, by Suduq-vol-3:278/1st ch: women's right on the husband
[9] - Makarimul Akh'laq: 200 - by Tabrasi - printed by manshurati sh-shareefil murtada- Qom 2nd edition 1410 A.H.
[10] - Makarimul Akh'laq: 200.
[11] - Manla yahdurhul faqeeh vol-3:278/ 6 ch- Men's right on the wife.
[12] - Al -kafi-vol; 5; 324/2 ch-Best women - Book of marriage - by Kulaini - printed by Darul-Ta'aruf- Beirut 3rd edition 1401A.H.
[13] - Tuhfal Uquul: 239.
[14] - Qur'an 4:34.
[15] - Manla yahdurhu faqeeh vol-3:277/1st ch- Men's Right on women.
[16] - Makaarimul Akh'laq: 215.
[17] - Makaarimul Akh'laq: 215.
[18] - Manla yahdurhul faqeeh vol-3:279/2nd ch- men's right on women.
[19] - Makaarimul Akh'laq: 218.
[20] - Makaarimul Akh'laq: 218.
[21] - Uddatu Ddaayi: 72 - by Ahmad bn Fahd Al-hilli - printed by maktabatul wijdaani Qom.
[22] - Uddatu Ddaayi: 72 - by Ahmad bn Fahd Al-hilli - printed by maktabatul wijdaani Qom.
[23] - Uddatu Ddaayi: 81 - by Ahmad bn Fahd Al-hilli - printed by maktabatul wijdaani Qom.
[24] - Adwa'i Ala nnafsil Bashariyyah: 302 by DR. Zareen Abbas Emaran - printed by Daruth-thaqafah- Beirut 1st edition 1407 A.H.
[25] - Same as above.
[26] - Mashaakilil Abaa'a fi tarbiyatil Abnaa'a:45
[27] - Makaarimul Akh'laq: 216-217
[28] - Makaarimul Akh'laq: 216
[29] - Makaarimul Akh'laq:213
[30] - Manla yahdurhul Faqeeh vol-3:279/ 4th-ch- women's Right on men.
[31] - Mustadrakil wasaa'il vol-2:550
[32] - Makaarimul Akh'laq:200.
[33] - Manla yahdurhul Faqeeh vol-3:277/4th ch - Men's Right on Women.
[34] - Makaarimul Akh'laq: 202.
[35] - Makaarimul Akh'laq: 202.
[36] - Makaarimul Akh'laq: 202.
[37] - Makaarimul Akh'laq: 214.
[38] - Makaarimul Akh'laq: 202.
[39] - Manla yahdurhul faqeeh vol-3:278/ ch- Women's Right on Men.
[40] - Al-kafi vol-6:54/2nd ch- prohibiting divorce on agreement.
[41] - Al-kafi vol-6:56/3rd ch- prohibiting divorce on agreement.
[42] - Qur'an 4:19.
[43] - Qur'an 4:128.
[44] - Qur'an 4:35.
Chapter Two: The First Stage: Stages Before Intercourse and During Pregnancy
Islam wants us to have providence with the child and to protect their psychological and physical soundness before their birth.This is by preparing domain for his movement and to arrange the necessary factors which will protect the child from psychological and physical weakness commencing from the selection of the husband or the wife and the circumstances surrounding the early stages of the child, that is the womb of his mother which played a great and effective role on the child's future and life movement. The features of this stageare pinpointed as below:-
Firslty: StageBefore Intercourse
Ithas been socially and scientifically established in its detailed research the inherited and societal effect in the composition and development of the child. Those inherited reflections may be physically or psychologically.[1]
Most of the attributes are transferred to the children through the father,mother or their grand fathers like intelligence, unrest conduct, schizo phrenia, mental disorder, personal discipline, flexibility and leniency. This become means that assist in transferring this attributes to the children or the children will possess readiness to adopt them. This is in addition to the customs and the imitation of the children base on repetition of actions.[ 2]
Fromthis point of view Islam has emphasized on the selection of spouse, that is selection of the spouses from righteous family and from good environment.
1- SELECTING WIFE
From the teaching of Islam, it has considered selecting wife from two aspects: the heredity she descendfrom and the society where she lives and its reflection on her ways of life and conduct. The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Choose for your semen because the maternal uncle is one of the spouses"[3] .
The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Choose for your semen because the vein is a schemer"[4] .
The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) does emphasize on selection of wife from the family that possess noble attributes of the hereditary effect it plays in the composition of the wife and that of her progeny. He (peace be upon him and his descendants) chooses Khadijah (peace be upon her) that delivered Fatima (peace be upon her) the best of the women. The Ahlulbait (peacebe upon them) also followed this conduct by choosing their wives from descent families and making selections base on hereditary.
Islam laid emphasis on selecting wife from sound society and environment where she achieves good and sound conduct. It cautioned from unsound environment she is living. It also cautioned from marrying a beautifulladies that was brought up from the fountain of evil. The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Be aware of dung hill under the greengrass ..... A beauty Women are fountain head of all evils"[5] .
Imam Sadiq (peace be upon him) also cautioned about prostitute and said: "Don't get married with a woman known to be prostitute"[6] .
Because she will creates the preparedness for such a bad action in her children.
Imam Al-Baqir (peace be upon him) warned from getting married with a mad woman fearing of transferring the attributes to the child, he was asked of that, he (peace be upon him) said: "No but if he possess a mad slave girl he can have sexual relation with her and should not seek from her child"[7] .
Imam Ali (peacebe upon him) has also warned from getting married with a foolish woman because the attribute will transfer to the child and also did not attain the ability to give a sound training to the child: "Be aware of getting married to a foolish because her companionship is affliction and her children are lost"[8] .
Tradition has made emphasis that religious person should be the criterion for choosing a spouse and the Prophet (peacebe upon him and his descendants) do encourage that. A man came tothe to him requesting for marriage, he (Peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Be aware of a religious woman, she will make your hand full"[9] .
Imam Assadiq (peace be upon him) gives precedence to religious before wealth and beauty and said: "If a man marries because of her wealth and beauty, he will deputize to that but if he marries because of her being religious, Allah will provide him with beauty and wealth"[10] .
The woman that descend from sound family and lineage and was accompanied with religiousness has preceded in stages of education and her training to the children will be in line with the laid down Islamic laws for that respect and the recognized method will be generally accepted by the two spouses without contradiction nor opposition. The wife will be desirous to succeed in training processes and considered it an Islamic obligation before every thing. This obligation will made her shun any negative practices that will have effect on the children's emotional and psychological growth.
2- SELECTING HUSBAND
For the development and preparation of the children spiritually and psychologically the father has a great role to play that is why in the early stage, Islam laid emphasis on the selecting husband for laid down Islamic criterion to observe the hereditary and atmosphere that surround his brought up, his good and noble attributes because he is the model that the children follows; as his attributes and ethics reflected on them. Inaddition through the continuous living with the wife (the mother) also acquired some of his ethics and attributes.
The Prophet (Peace be upon him and his descendants) laid emphasis on choosing a competent husband and describe him with his saying (peace be upon him and his descendants) "Competency is to be modest and to has opportunity"[11] .
Competency is the one that descend from sound lineage, religious and elevated ethics.
Imam Assadiq (peace be upon him) has cautioned from getting marriage with a man having psychological sickness andsaid: "Don't married them but married on doubt lady because women takes from her moral, religion and personality"[12] .
In choosinghusband Islam put religiousness as the criterion. The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Marry he that comes to you if you are pleased with his ethics and religion"[13] .
It is clear that Islam prohibited getting Marriage to none Muslim in order to protect the integrity of the children and the family in all aspect like the ideology, conduct,spiritual and psychology for their effect on the wife and the children through their emulating the husband and his mode of life.
Islam has also forbids getting married to unreligious person and those whose conduct has perverted from Islamic system in order to save guard the family and the children from behavioral and psychological perversion.
Imam Assadiq (peacebe upon him) has forbid getting marriage with a known fornicator. He (peace be upon him) said: "Don't marry a woman known to be fornicator and don't marry a man known to be fornicator expect you are aware of repentance from them"[14] .
Imam Assadiq (peacebe upon him) has also cautioned from getting marriage to an alcohol drinker. He (peace be upon him) said: "Whoever gave marriage of his daughter to an alcohol drinker has cut her kinship"[15] .
Perverted person negatively affect the soundness of the children's conduct for the reflection of his conduct on them and his unwillingness to train them.
This is in addition to the problem he created on thewife which prevail the spread of unrest and psychological anxiety in the family's atmosphere and has made the family's life distant from tranquility, calmness and constancy that the children need for their physical and spiritual growth.
Verily the mode of life of the Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) and the Ahlulbait (peace be upon them) stoodon the basis of choosing well qualified person for their sons and daughters. The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) did not give Fatima's marriage (peace be upon her) to his great companions when they seek his hand but he gave them answer that he is waiting for Allah's decision. He later gave her marriage to Ali bn Abitalib (peace be upon him) with the commandment of Allah the most High.
The Prophet (peacebe upon him and his descendants) encourages a Muslim woman by name Zulfa'i known to be related to the family of Areeqah and was very beautiful to get married to Jubair a Muslim who did not possess wealth or handsomeness except religion.
3- THE RELATION BEFORE PREGNANCY AND THE COMPOSITION OF THE CHILD
After the process of selecting husband on basis of the noble Islamic criterions it commence gradually step by step with the child, in every step it has laid down a real foundation and laws for the child's composition and sound upbringing and the two spouses has nothing to do rather than to comply with the light of the laid down foundations and laws.
The Perfect and Majesty said: {And one of His signs is that He created for you mates from yourselves that ye might find rest in them, and He put between you love and mercy}[16] .
It made love, cordiality, change of noble compassion and sharp feelings as the relationship between the two spouses. In other for the continuity of thisrelationship Islam has call for fastening the two spouses with the measures which has been stipulated by the divine method in life.
The wedding eve is the first step for the relation and connection of the husband and wife. Then Islam ordered us to comply with these divine measures so that the relation will not be like that of animalistic one.Observing two unit recommended prayer by the two spouses is the first of this measure followed by praise, commendation of Allah and prayer for the holy Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) and his house hold (peace be upon them) then seeks prayer for continuity of love and cordiality between them: (O' Allah provide me with her intimacy, cordiality and her pleasure with me, join us together with the best union, ease our harmony, verily you like lawful things and dislike unlawful things)[17] .
Complying with that create tranquility, constancy and calmness in the first step of meeting and there will be no chance for the wife to fill unrest and anxiety hence the wedding eve is entertain able with love and cordiality.
At the stage of sexual relation this prayer continues and it recommended to say:(O' Allah provide me with a male child and make pious and intelligence with out addition or subtraction and make his ending a better one ).The best recommended prayer in the first sexual relation is (In the name of Allah the beneficent the merciful)[18] .
Secondly: The Pregnancy Stage
1- COAGULATION OF THE FOETUS
For the physical and psychological safety of theembryo Islam has laid dawn an easy program without hardship and difficulty.
The holy Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) has requested to prohibiting women from taking the followings in first week of her pregnancy, they are:-milk, vinegar, coriander and bitter apple because the effect of these substances make her delaying delivery and make her labor very difficult, It also causes her some sickness[19] which has effected on the pregnancy and the baby.
like wise the prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) and the Ahlul Bait (peace be upon them) has prohibited from having sexual relation in specified period though this caution has not reach the stage of prohibition but it is offensive as it reflect negatively on the embryo psychological and health wise. Those periods are as followings:-
Between the rising of the fajr (Dawn) and sun rise, between the sun set and the aurora time, immediately after-noon (zuhr), Beginning and middle of the month, during the solar and lunar Eclipse, when red or black or yellow wind are blowing and when earth quake is happening.
The Prophet (peacebe upon him and his descendants) has encouraged relation at other time after the aforementioned ones. There are other period which has effect on the child's emotional feelings especially during a fearful time as it will cause the child to be indecisive, unrest and fearful and other period which may cause madness, leprosy and foolishness to the child.[ 20]
There are other advices that have connection with sexual relationship.
The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "don't converse while having sexual inter-course because if child is granted during that time he is not free to become dumb and none of you should look at his wife's vulva, he should close his eye as looking at the wife's private part during sexual inter-course may cause blindness to the child"[21] .
The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "It is offensive to have sexual-intercourse with ones wife after having a wet dream until he takes bath from his wet dream, if he does that and the child becomes mad then he should not blame anybody other than himself"[22] .
The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Don't have sexual inter-course with your wife in standing position because that is the action of an ass, if child is granted during that time he will be urinating on the bed"[23] .
the Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Don't have sexual inter-course with your wife with the desire derived from other than her, I fear if child is granted during that time will become a bisexual or a girl or will become mentally deranged"[24] .
Itwas understood from this narration that one should not imagine another woman while having sexual inter-course with his wife.
The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "If your wife is pregnant don't have sexual inter-course with her except you are on Ablution because not observing that the child will be heartless and a miser"[25] .
At all time Islam has encourage (Zikr), remembrance of Allah before the sexual inter-course and mentioning (Bismillah) in the name of Allah during the sexual inter-course, this is in addition to the uses of a deeper means for the joint of love, cordiality and the holy bond like embracing, kissing, soft speeches and pleasing her.[26]
2- THE FIRST ENVIRONMENT FOR THE CHILD
The mother's womb is the first environment from which one originates, so this environment has positive and negative effect on the child because where the child moves about and the fetusis considered part of the mother all the circumstances of the mother are living reflected on the child. Ithas been established through scientifically research the efficiency of the mother on the embryo's physical and psychological growth. Then the troubles, anxiety, suppression, fears and so on leave its effect on the baby's emotionalfeelings[ 27] .
Theembryo is affected by the mother's psychological attributes and all that is positively occurred to the mother during the period of pregnancy . Verily (the nervous problems of the mother gives a severe blows to the gifted embryo before he was born, to extend it will change to nervous existence. From this point of view it is necessary to have inter-connection with the mother by giving importance to the pregnancy in order to distance her from misguiding thought, grief, anxiety and to maintain calm and constancy atmosphere)[28]
The pregnancy period has its positive or negative effect on the emotional stability of thechild[ 29] . That is why Islam has laid emphasis to this reality beforeit was discovered by this day's psychologist . The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "The unblessed is one of the wretched in his mother's womb and the blessed is one of the fortunate in his mother's womb"[30] .
The meaning of the wretchedness and fortunate are the reflections that occur to the embryo regards the healthy, physical and psychological condition of the mother, then the baby has the preparedness to be wretched or fortunate.Some of the physical sickness has effect on the embryo and may be born affected with some of it which will accompanied him till his old age and that will be the cause of his wretchedness or may be saved from those sickness and will be accompanied with good health, like wise the situation in terms of his psychological and emotional condition.
The anxiety or tranquility, the unrest or constancy, the fear or rest of mind and other attributes has effect on the embryo and accompanied him if he is not in the midst of a good society to save guides him from the previous effects or the society that will distanced him from having physical and psychological safety.
The followings are the precautionary measures Islam has taken to distance embryo from negative physical and psychological growth.
A- CARES FOR THE MOTHER'S FEEDIN
From the established reality is that the physical soundness of the embryo depends on the mother's physical soundness.
Feeding is among the factors that contribute to the sound health of the mother. We can observe the clear effect of starvation on babies in some countries. The physical weakness and sickness, the deformations in creationare all caused by starvation and mal-nutrition. Verily the opposition is correct.
That is why the Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) and the Ahlulbait (peace be upon them) has cautioned to take care of the feeding of a pregnant woman especially the foods that have effect on the spiritual and psychological attributes of the embryo.
QUINCE (SAFARJAL)
The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Eat quince (safarjal) as it brightening the eyes and create cordiality in the mind and feed your pregnant woman with it because it makes your son handsome"[31] .
MILK
The Prophet (peacebe upon him and his descendants) said: "Feed your pregnant woman milk because it increases the child's intelligence"[32] .
Imam Ali Ibn Musa Ar-Ridah (peace be upon him) said: "Feed your pregnant woman milk, if there is a baby in her womb, he will comes out brilliantly, scholarly and courageously. If she is a baby girl, she will be beauty, possess good conduct, big buttock and honored by her husband"[33] .
DATES
The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Feed your women dates in her last month to delivery, verily her child will be tolerant and pure"[34] .
The Ahlulbait (peace be upon them) has laid down a complete time table for the types of food that are beneficial for the physical soundness as it was stated in the chapters of foods and drinking in Al-kafi and Makarimul Akh'laq. Like pomegranate, fig, grapes, dried grapes, herbaceous, chard and other fruits and again meat, mash and vegetables.
This is in addition to the prohibition of some foods that are physical and psychologically harmful like dead meat, blood, pig meat, wine and all others thatare mentioned in the Qur'an and traditions of the Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) regards prohibited foods and drinks.
B- CARE FOR THE PSYCHOLOGICAL SOUNDNESS OF THE PREGNANT WOMAN
SelectingA Spacious House
Imam Assadiq (peace be upon him) said: "Having spacious house is part of happiness"[35] .
He (peace be upon him) said: "A believer has convenience in a spacious house"[36] .
Possessing a spacious house is among the established fact that contributes to human being's happiness and Islam has duly encourage that. If one is in the midst of Islamic community that adopted Islamic system of life, the societal guarantee will satisfy this need and other ones.
In a situation where one can not afford to buy or rent a spacious house, he is to plead the wife to work hard and struggle in order to achieve that and give her hope on that or encourage her to be patient for what Allah has provided for their poverty in terms of goods and rewards.
Verily this will give her tranquility and rest of mind even if the house is tight.
PROVIDING ALL THE WOMAN'S NECESSITIES
On the authority of Abdullah bn Ata, he said: I entered to Abu Jaafar (peace be upon him) and I saw bed stead, pillows, fashions and other things that accompanied it in his house, I said to him, what are all this? He (peace be upon him) said: "It is women properties"[37] .
It is incumbent to provide all the necessities of the women in the house like pillows,cushions and colored wool furnishing. This is in addition to beautiful dresses and some other house equipments to give her rest of mind and happiness.It is incumbent to provides all these, base on the husband's ability but in a situation where he was not able to provide all these or some of it, he should satisfy her with what Allah the Most High has provided for her in the Paradise, this is in addition to creation of hope in her mind for better condition for the satisfaction of her needs.
GOOD DEALINGS WITH THE WOMEN
Good dealing with the women especially the pregnant ones will made her leave a happy life, full of relief, tranquility, spiritual and psychological constancy of which there is no chance for anxiety and psychological unrest to penetrate in her spirit and mind.
Imam Zainul Aabideen (peacebe upon him) said: "Your right of guardianship from what you have possessed through marriage is to know that Allah has made her your residence, place of rest, intimacy and defendant. Also it is for every one of the two spouses to thank Allah for his companionship and to know that it is a blessing from Allah and to make good friendship, respect and leniency with this blessing of Allah because she possesses the Right of intimacy and place of rest, in her your delectation"[38] .
Good dealings are to have good conduct, leniency and let her hear good words from you. Honor her and kept her in a suitable place, considered her a partnership in life and satisfies all her spiritual and material needs. Treat her like human beings as honored by Islam and allow happiness, smiling,cordiality and blessing to prevail in the house. Try to create happiness in her mind and safe guide her secrecy and others that Islamic teaching which it has laid emphasis on.
Among it is to assist her in some difficult domestic duties, be patient of her mistakes andshort-comings which did not affect her Islamic ways of life. Make reconciliation in solving the daily problems in such a way that it will not annoyed her and distance from any thing that will psychologically affect her like unnecessary jealousy, frown of face before her, beating her or abandoning her or reducing some of her Rights[39] .
If you treat her very well, her spiritual and psychological condition will be good and it will reflect on the embryo.
Notes
[1] - Ilmi Nnafs Attarbawi: 45 - 57 -by DR. Fakhir Aqil (11th edition printed by Darul Ilmi lil malaayeen 1985 A.D.)
[2] - Ilmi Nnafsil Aam vol- 1: 94 - by Dr. Anthon Hamsi - printed by Mat'ba'ah Demeshq 1407 A.H.
[3] - Al-kafi by Kulaini vol-5:332/2nd ch- selecting spouse, Printed by Daru Atta'aruf 3rd edition, 1401 A.H.
[4] - Al-mahabba Al-baida'i vol- 3: 93 by Faidhi Kashaani, 3rd edition Jaamiyatil mudariseen Qom.
[5] - Makaarimul Akh'laq: 304 -by Tabrasi - printed by Manshuraati sh-sherifa Rridah 2nd edition 1410 A.H.
[6] - Makaarimul Akh'laq: 305 -by Tabrasi - printed by Manshuraati sh-sherifa Rridah 2nd edition 1410 A.H.
[7] - Wasaa'ili sh-shiyyah vol- 20: 85 /1st ch-34 - by Huril Aamuli - printed by Muasasah Aali bait Qom 1st edition 1412 A.H.
[8] - Al-kafi vol-5:354/1st ch prohibition from marrying foolish woman.
[9] - Al-kafi vol-5:352/ ch - Virtues of marrying religious woman
[10] - Al-kafi vol-5:333/ 3rd ch- Virtues of marrying a religious person
[11] - Al-kafi vol-5:347/1st ch- The competency.
[12] - Al-kafi vol-5: 348.
[13] - Al-kafi vol-5: 348/ 2nd &3rd ch- last part.
[14] - Makarimul Akh'laq: 305.
[15] - Wasaa'il sh-shiyyah vol-20:79, Al-kafi vol-5: 347/1st ch- 29.
[16] - Qur'an 30:21.
[17] - Makarimul Akh'laq:208.
[18] - Makarimul Akh'laq:209.
[19] - Makaarimul Akhlaq: 209.
[20] - Al-kafi vol-5:498/ 1st ch- The offensive time; Makarimul Akh'laq: 208- 209.
[21] - Makarimul Akh'laq:209.
[22] - Makarimul Akh'laq:209.
[23] - Makarimul Akh'laq:210.
[24] - Makarimul Akh'laq:211.
[25] - Makarimul Akh'laq: 211.
[26] - Makaarimul Akh'laq: 212.
[27] - Ilmi Nnafs Attarbawi: 46-47 - by DR. Fakhil Aaqil.
[28] - Al-tifl bainal wiratha WA ttarbawi vol-1:106 -by Mohammad Taqqi Falsafi - printed by Daru Atta'aruf 1381 A.H. from the book "We and the children: 27".
[29] - Mashaakilil Aaba'a fi tarbiyatil Abna'i:263 - by DR. Sapok - 3rd edition 1980 A.D.
[30] - Bihaaril Anwaar: vol-3:44by Majlisi - printed by Muassasatul wafa'i 2nd edition 1403 A.H.
[31] - Makarimul Akh'laq: 172.
[32] - Makarimul Akh'laq: 194.
[33] - Makarimul Akh'laq: 194.
[34] - Makarimul Akh'laq: 196.
[35] - Makaarimul Akh'laq: 125.
[36] - Makaarimul Akh'laq: 131.
[37] - Makaarimul Akh'laq: 131.
[38] - Tuhfal uquul: 188, by Haraani printed byMat'ba'a Al-Haidariyya Nnajaf 5th edition 1380 A.H.
[39] - Irshaadil Quluub: 175; Makarimul Akh'laq: 245; Al-kafi vol-5:511; Almahajjatul Baida'i vol-3:19.
Chapter Three: Second Stage: The StageAfter Birth
This is the immediate preceding stage after pregnancy stage. Itis considered the first societal surrounding that surrounds the child, being the foundation for orienting the child physically, mentally and socially and it has decisive effects in formation of the passion and the emotional growth. That is why Islamic system centralizes a special care with the child of this stage to portray and execute the following duties:-
Firstly: Birth Day Cermonies
Birth day ceremonies is commence right from the first birth day till the seventh day in order to save-guide the child's health physically and psychologically.
Making the child to hear the name of Allah is the first duty of the parents.
From the authority of Imam Jaafar bn Mohammad Assadiq (peace be upon him) he said: The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Whoever have a new born baby should call for prayer (Azan) in his right ear and call for beginning of prayer (Iqaamat) in his left ear, that protect him from the devil"[1] .
For the importance of Azan and Iqamat in the child's ear, the Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) has bequeath the commander of the faithful Ali bn Abitalib (peace be upon him) in many of his testaments: "O' Ali if a baby boy or girl is born to you, you should recite Azan in his right ear and Iqamat in the left ear, by so doing the devil will not be able to harm him for ever"[2] .
Protection from the devil is the fortification on the child from deviating from his wish. These advices even though the present educationist and psychologist did not make any research on it but it is among the experienced and repeated established fact for those that implement it in their child's training and other advices in all the child stages.
It is recommended to name your child with good names and there is no any better name than Mohammad i.e. the name of the Prophet (peacebe upon him and his descendants). From Imam Jaafar bn Mohammad Assadiq (peace be upon him): "A child is not born to us except we named him Mohammad, after seven days if we wish we change it or we leave it at our wish"[3] .
The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) laid emphasis on this naming by saying: "He has verily turn away from me who have four baby boys without naming any one of them with my name"[4] .
The Imams from the Ahlulbait (peacebe upon them) do urge the Muslims to named their baby boys and girls with the following names: -
(Abdurrahman and its type having 'Abdul, Mohammad, Ahmad, Al-hassan, Al-Hussein, Jaafar, Talib and Fatima)[5] .
They did not encourage giving the following names: - (Al-Hakeem, Hakeem, Khalid, Malik and Haarith)[ 6] .
The good names protect the child from mockery and ridicules from others, so that itdoesn't cause him to feel deficiency especially in an ugly name.
Aqeeq i.e. slaughtering of a sheep to mark the occasion and barbing the hair of the baby as it came from the sayings of Imam Jaafar Assadiq (peace be upon him) is among the birth day ceremonies, he (peace be upon him) said: "Slaughter on his behalf, barb his hair the seventh day and gives Alms (sadaqah) of its equivalent in silver"[7] .
Theoffering which is the substantial of Alms giving (Sadaqah) prevent the child from problems and save him from risks.
May be it has positive effect on the child by the time he grows up and understand how the parents show their concern during his birthday. It is a good remembrance for those that received the offering or part of it as (Sadaqah) Alms giving.
Circumcision is among the birthday ceremonies. Imam Jaafar Assadiq (peacebe upon him) said: "Circumcised your children on the seventh day after birth as it is more pure and quicker for growth of flesh"[8] .
SECONDLY: CONCENTRATION ON BREAST FEEDING
In the first month of the child's life, milk is the basic and only source the child feeds on, so thebreast feeding is the best milk because breast feeding has its emotional effect on the child. The mother is in the best position to grant him sympathy and warmed emotion because of the mother's instinct inducement which Allah has given to the women, where as the child's feelings and sensation centered on the early days breastfeeding[ 9] .
Through breast feeding the bond of love between the child and the mother will be more firm, then the child's tense will be little and having rest of mind and blissfulcondition[ 10] .
Narrations and advices came from the Ahlulbait (peace be upon them) emphasizing the concentration on the mother's milk.
The commander of the faithful Ali bn Abitalib (peace be upon him) said: "There is no any milk having greater blessing in breast feeding the child other than that of his mother's own"[11] .
Scientifically the best food for the baby is that of the mother's milk, in addition throughbreast feeding the child will feel secured, safe and protected.But in exceptional situations which affect the breast feeding like insufficient milk of the mother or her sickness or loosing her either by divorce or death, the Ahlulbait (peace be upon them) has laid emphasis on choosing a suitable and appropriate foster mother base on the specified attributes. The commander of the faithful (peace be upon him) said: "Observe her who gives breast feeding to your children because the child grows on it"[12] .
The milk and the type of the foster mother have effect on the child in terms of his physical and psychological growth. Verily an experience has established the teachings of the Ahlulbait (peacebe upon them) in this aspect. There are some attributes while choosing the foster mother that has been approved by the Ahlulbait (peacebe upon them).
Imam Mohammad Al-Baqir (peace be upon him) said: "Breast feed your child with good milk and be aware of bad milk because milk transits"[13] .
He (peace be upon him) said: "Be aware of pure wet nurse because milk transits"[14]
Prohibition came from breast feeding child by some foster mother.
Imam Jaafar Assadiq (peacebe upon him) forbids breast feeding from Magians. From the authority of Abdullah bn Halal, he said,I asked him about magian wet nurse, "he said, no but the people of the book"[15]
He conditionedbreast feeding with the women of the book by preventing them from drinking wine. Hesaid: "If they breast feed for you, prevent them from taking wine"[16] .
On the authority of Ali bn Jaafar, from Imam Musa bn Jaafar Al-kazim (peace be upon them) he said: I asked him, is it polite for a Muslim men to employed women Jews and Christian forbreast feeding while they drink wine? He (peacebe upon him) said: "Prevent them from taking wine hence they breast feed for you"[17] .
Imam Jaafar Assadiq (peace be upon him) prohibitsbreast feeding from a prostitute whose milk originates from fornication, he (peace be upon him) also said: "Don't seek breast feeding from her and her daughter"[18] .
Imam Mohammad Al-Baqir (peace be upon him) said: "The milk of a Jews, magian and a Christian is more preferable to me than that of fornicator child's milk"[19] .
The effect of the milk in the child's innate is the wisdom behind the prohibition because a prostitute leaves in anxiety, psychological troubles, feeling of sin and short-comings right from the first day the embryo convene, she remain in this condition through out the stages of pregnancy and during her labor and delivery. All this anxiety and troubles has its effect on theemotional feelings of the child.
The holy Prophet (peacebe upon him and his descendants) has commanded us to protect ourselves from the milk of a prostitute and a mad woman. He (Peace be upon him and his escendants) said: "Protect your children from the milk of a prostitute and a mad woman because milk transits"[20] .
He (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Don't breast feed from a foolish because the child grows with it"[21] .
Imam Mohammad Al-Baqir (peace be upon him) said: "Verily Ali as he says: Don't breast feed from a foolish because her milk over-comes the nature"[22] .
The doctors has emphasized that the mother should be at rest whenbreast feeding and to touch with kindness and protection of the child. It is incumbent on the mother not to force him to focus his face towards her breast as that puts him in a state of disconcert and confusion[23] .
The Ahlulbait (peace be upon them) have laid down programs for the manners and period of breast feeding, that is breast feedings from both sides and prolonging its period till twenty one months.
Imam Jaafar Assadiq (peace be upon him) said to the mother of Ishaq daughter of Suleiman: "O' mother of Ishaq, don't breast feed with one side of the breast rather breast feeds with both breasts, one of them will serve as food while the other will serve as water"[24] .
He (peacebe upon him) said: "Breast feeding is for twenty months; it is a crime to an infant if the period is reduced"[25] .
Long period ofbreast feeding has positive effect on the psychological and emotional feeling of the child. It is the most important stage for the growing of the child's emotional feelings where as the mother laps her child and let him closer to her chest while the child will then feel the continuous sympathy and emotional warmness. In this respect a lady psychologist LUIZ KABILAN says: "Verily the child who is blessed with the flow of sympathy of his mother within the first and the second year of his life feels of security and don't normally feels anxiety or fear and spontaneously moves when he reaches his third or forth years. The children that feel of tranquil psychologically enjoy deal and mix simply with the child of his age grade"[26] .
Talking gently with the child of this stage has effect on his future emotional and linguistic development. Fatima (peacebe upon her) talks gently with Al-hassan (peace be upon him) and says:
O'Hassan imitate your father!
Because he extract Right from wrong!
And worship the lord the Owner of favor!
And don't follow the people that feel malice!
She (peacebe upon her) also speaks gently to Al-Hussein (peace be upon him):
You resemblemy father!
And did not resemble Ali![ 27] .
The Ahlulbait (peace be upon them) as we've previously said do emphasize the establishment of cordiality and love between the parents and to abstain from problems that will threaten them psychologically especially the mother for the reflection of her emotion, constrictions and psychological problems on the child during the stage of breast feeding.
In thisstage the Ahlulbait (peace be upon them) have cautioned us to laid importance on the source of the mother's feeding in terms of the type and quality as the only source the child feeds from.
There is concentration again on dates to be among the food the mother feeds on because of its effects on the baby.
The Prophet (peacebe upon him and his descendants) said: "Let the first food after a child bed be a ripe dates ...." It was said to him, O' the Prophet, what if the dates are notripe? Hesaid: "then seven dates from the medina dates if not, seven from your cities"[28] .
Imam Jaafar Assadiq (peacebe upon him) bequeath us to eat a type of dates by name ALBARNI. He (peacebe upon him) said: "Feed your women after their child bed with ALBARNI as your children will be prudent"[29] .
In a Narration fromhim (peace be upon him): "Feed your women after their child bed with ALBARNI it beautified your children"[30] .
The Ahlulbait (peace be upon them) has laid down table for the substance of food that are very important for the growth and healthsoundness[ 31] .
Wheat flour grows the flesh, strengthens thebone and makes the digestion very easy. Lentil flour pacifies the breaking out of blood and lessens high temperature of the body. Meats especially that of francolin lessen ones anger. Mashes make the body active and grant it liveliness. The olive drives the odor, dried grapes lessens anger. The quince strengthens the mind, the lettuce purifies the blood as they also emphasize on taking honey, egg, milk, and other types of fruits.
The advantages of these food substances transferred from the mother to the child through the milk that forms from it.
The summary of this discussion; it is incumbent to laid importance onbreast feeding from the mother's milk.
If it is not possible, then it is necessary to choose a believing wet nurse that is free from physical and psychological sickness. If also it is not possible, then none believing wet nurse but with condition of preventing her from drinking wine and all other things that will affect the health of the child. Given importance to the health of the mother psychologically and physically, satisfies her needs in terms of necessary foods for generating pure and riches milkto positively reflect that on the child's health physically and psychologically.
Notes
[1] - Al-kafi vol- 6:24/6th ch- Things to be done to a new born baby.
[2] - Tuhfal Uquul: 17.
[3] - Al-kafi vol- 6: 18 /4th ch- The naming and nick name.
[4] - Al-kafi vol- 6: 19 /6th ch- The naming and nick name.
[5] - Al-kafi vol- -6:19 chapter of names and nicknames.
[6] - Al kafi vol -6: 21 chapter of names and nicknames.
[7] - Al kafi vol -6: 27 / 1st chapter: Slaughtering at the seventh day from thebirth day .
[8] - Al kafi vol -6: 34/ 1st chapter: Purification.
[9] - Al-tifl bainal wiraatha WA tarbiyah vol-2:82; by Mohammad Taqqi falsafi, from the book Aqdatul Hiqaarah.
[10] - Qaamoos Attifl Attibbi: 11-16.
[11] - Al-kafi vol - 6:40/1st chapter - Breast feeding.
[12] - Al-kafi vol - 6:44 /1st ch- Those whose milk are offensive and those not offensive.
[13] - Al-kafi vol - 6:44 / 12th ch- Those whose milk are offensive and those not offensive.
[14] - Al-kafi vol - 6:44 / 13th ch- Those whose milk are offensive and those not offensive.
[15] - Al-kafi vol - 6:42 /2nd ch- Those whose milk are offensive and those not offensive.
[16] - Al-kafi vol - 6:42 /3rd ch- Those whose milk are offensive and those not offensive.
[17] - Wasaa'il sh-shiyyah vol-21:465/7 ch-76 book of marriage.
[18] - Al-kafi vol-6:42 /1st chapter - those whose milk are offensive and those who are not.
[19] - " " -6:42 / 5th
[20] - Makaarimul Akh'laq: 223.
[21] - " ": 237.
[22] - " ": 237.
[23] - Qaamoos Attifl Attibbi: 33.
[24] - Al-kafi vol-6: 40 /2nd chapter of breast feeding.
[25] - " " -6: 40 / 3rd
[26] - Qaamoos Attifl Attibbi: 257.
[27] - Bihaaril Anwaar vol- 43:286.
[28] - Al-kafi vol-6:22 /4th ch- Recommended foods for a pregnant woman.
[29] - " " -6:22 /5th ch-
[30] - Makaarimul Akh'laq: 169.
[31] - Al-kafi vol-6:305 and after it.
Chapter Four: The Third Stage: Early Childhood Stage
Early childhood stage commences from weaning age to the end of the sixth or seventh years of his age. This is the most important training stage for the child's linguistic,mental and social development. It is a stage ofself building which stands as psychological and moral support.
This stage needs special assistance of the parents for the training of the children and preparing them to be efficient in the midst of the society. Thefeature of this stage are pinpointed with in the following training methods.
Firstly: Teaching ChildThe Cognition Of Allah The Most High
Child was naturally created base on faith with Allah the most High, where he begins asking questions about the origination of the universe, his existence, that of his parents and the existence of all that is surrounding him. His limited thinking is ready to accept the view about the maker and creator; it is upon the parents to utilize his inquiry by acquainting him of Allah the Creator and the most High to the extent his limited thought can accept.
Faith in Allah the most High as it was emphasize by the religious teachers and the psychologists is (among the valuable things to be planted in child..... It is among those things that will enable him hope in life and reliance on the creator and possesses religious restraints that will protect him from committing sins)[ 1] .
Training and teaching in this stage is preferably to bestep by step with in the chain of method that is mentally suitable to the age of the child and level of his linguistic development.Imam Mohammad Al-Baqir (peace be upon him) has specified the chain method by saying: "When a child reaches three years of age you say to him: Lailaha illa Allah seven times, you then leaves him till he reaches three years seven months and twenty days you then say to him: Mohammadu Rrasulillah seven times, you then leaves him till he completed four years of age, you then say to him: sala llahu ala Mohammad wa'aalih seven times, you then leaves him till he completed his fifth years of age, you then said to him where is your right side and where is your left side?
if he has known all that, you turn his face towards Qiblah and said to him to "prostrate" you then leaves him till he completed seven years of age, when he has completed his seven years of age, tell him to wash his face and hands, if he has washes them, then tell him to pray, you then leaves him till he completed nine years of age, you teach him ablution, prayer and beat him if not observing it, when he has learned ablution and prayer Almighty Allah will forgive him and his parents by His Wish"[2] .
The present days psychology has established the authenticity of this method (2-3 years, because of too much of things and the relationship, the child begin to acquire utterances that correlates with what he can express base on his understandings at the end of his third years the child will be able to make speeches base on the grammatical laws he observed and it will enable him to construct primary and sound sentences[3] .
It is incumbent to deepen the faith in Allah while teaching the child.
The child of this stage does imitate the parents in all aspect including faith in Allah. DR. Sapoksays: (Verily the basis of the child's faith and love for the great creator are the same basis that parents love Allah). He says: (Between the age of three to six he will try to imitate the parents in all aspect, if they converse with him regards Allah, he will preserve the image he derived from their words literally about Allah)[4] .
Child of this stage always inclines towards love, cordiality, gentleness and lenient relations or (it is preferably to laid emphasis on special attributes like mercy, love and forgiveness to the last extent possible and to reduce about punishment and revenge attributes)[5] .
Then the image the child is bearing in his senses about Allah will be that of beautiful ones and pleased with him. It also increases his concern about Allah and beholds Him to be the donor of the blessing and love for him.
When we wants the child to creates the image of the day of Judgment, the best is to centralize on the enjoyment in the paradise that is suitable to his desire, regards food, drinks, games and other things. We have to stress it to him that he will obtain them if he is of good moral and abide by the Islamic cultures and if he did not abide by it, he will be deprived of it and should delay emphasis about the punishment of Hell firetill the next stage of his life.
Secondly: Emphasis onThe Love For The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) and The Ahlulbayt (peace be upon them).
The prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Teach your children three habits: love of your Prophet, love for the Ahlulbait and reading of the holy Qur'an"[6] .
In this stage the child's feelings, tenderness and consciousness, developed regards love, hatred, attraction, disinclination,zealousness and withdrawal. It is then incumbent to utilize the tenderness in the child and to developed his feelings and tenderness and try to focus him towards the highest exemplary human being and commence concentrations on the love for the prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) and the Ahlulbait (peace be upon them) in his personal sentiment.
The best way to focus this love is showing their stances and their conduct in the society especially regards their mercy, sympathy, generosity, sufferings,deprivations and aggressions they encountered. All this make the child to be sympathetic with and loving them. Then they will hate all those that cause havoc to them among the polytheists and the perverted ones.
Concentration on the reading of the holy Qur'an in the childhood makes him to be vocal in the Book of Allah. He will be acquainted with what came in the Qur'an especially the chapters and the verses the child understand their meanings.
The reality has established that the child possess the ability to repeat and memorize what he hears. The child will grow up having attraction andinterest for the Qur'an and what is in Qur'anic understandings reflect on his senses and conduct.
Thirdly: EducatingThe Child on Obedince to The Parents
The parents have a greater role to play in educating the children because the responsibility is on them before any other thing and they determine the future personality of the child while the school and surrounding society play the secondary role of the child education.
If the child is not habituated with the obedience to theparents he will not accept their advices, guidance, educational and reformatory orders. He will then createa lot of problems for himself, the parents and the society.As a result of that, he will be insubordinate to the laws, customs and stipulated traditions by the country and the society.
Imam Al-Hassan bn Ali Al-Askari (peace be upon him) said: "The child's boldness to the parents in the childhood result to his disobedient when he grows up"[7] .
Imam Mohammad bn Ali Al-Baqir (peace be upon him) said: "..... The worst child is he whose negligence has leads him to disobedience"[8] .
Educating the child for obeying the parent needs continuous struggle to habituate him for that, because the child of this stage desire to build his personality and personal independence, therefore there is need of additional struggles from the side of the parents and the best means to habituates him on obedience is to let him feel of love and sympathy. DR. Yasri Abdul Muhsin says: (The most important factors that assist the child in obedience are love and sympathy, he observes from all the members of the family)[ 9] .
Satisfying the child's essential needs is among the means of making him obedient like (peace, love, appreciation, freedom and need for compressing power)[ 10] .
DR. Fakhir Aqil view this needs in the following form: (Need for self-assertion or stature, recognize him and his stature to be cautions ofhim ..... and the need for love peace and independence)[11] .
When the child feels love,sympathy and appreciation from the parents, he will try to satisfy the parents and obedience in substantial of satisfaction.
The parents are the foundation in educating the child for obedience. The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "May Allah bless the parents that help their child for their obedience"[12] .
The means of assistance is as specified by the Prophet (peacebe upon him and his descendants) "May Allah bless a servant that help his child for his obedience by doing good to him, harmonize with him teaches and educates him"[13] .
He (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "May Allah blessed he who assist his child for his obedience, that is to forgive his short-comings and prays for him for what is between him and Allah"[14] .
The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "May Allah blessed he who helps his child for hisobedience ..... He accepts his feasible and over-looks his short-comings; he does not oppress him nor encroach with him ....." [15]
The children's love for their parents is the reaction of the parent's love forthem[ 16] .
Verily obedience will occurred if love prevailed in the relations between the child and his parents.The children will obey the parent's orders if their orders are lenient, gentle and if it is inform of advices and guidance but if you apply reproach and tongue-lashing reverse will be the result, that is why the psychologist and the educationist advices parents to minimize tongue-lashing as it came from the saying of Anwar Jandi: (Tongue-lashing is aimed when an offence occurred because much tongue-lashing distress the hearing of the blamed one and lessen the cause of the utterances[17] .
The child that obtains love and appreciation will not deem obedience toparent's order as imperfection for his wish for independence. With thelove that the child feels will deepen his self acceptance to imitate the conduct of those that loves him like the parents, their conduct will then reflect in him and he will henceforth obeys them.
The child will have a rest and act as a matured in a form he will not offend the parents if he is treated as a matured human being that possess a stature, he will then be accustomed with obedient to the parents consequently he will obey all personalities he meets from his parents or from the school or from the community.
Fourthly: Doing Good toThe Child and Honoring Him
The child of this stage is in need of love and appreciation from the side of the parents and in need of his recognition and his status in the family andin the society and to focus brightness on him . He will be developing at any time heperceive he is love and that the parents or the community feels of his personality and status. (To be adjustable in a good conformity, his entity will be sound and guided base as if when the childis loved and accepted, feeling of tranquility in the house).
The love and appreciations that the child perceive have a great effect in all aspect of his life, then he will be developed perfectly, linguistically, mentally, psychologically and socially. The child imitate when he likes and accept teachings, orders and advices from them. He will then learn basis of good conduct from the parents and will reflect in his habit if he feels love and appreciations from both of them (parents).
Ithas been stated in many narrations emphasizing the necessity of loving and honoring the child.
The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Honor your children and give them good education"[18] .
The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "May Allah bless a servant who help his child for his obedience by doing goods to him, harmonize with him and educates him"[19] .
He (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Parent's look at his child with love for him is a worship"[20] .
He (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Love children and have mercy on them and fulfill your promise to them whenever you promised them because they thought you provide their provisions"[21] .
Encouraging and commending children for their invention even though it is little and over looking their lapses, don't depreciate his sayings or his deeds and don't impel him more than his ability, all this are the substantial of love for them and making him to feel his status as it comes from the sayings of the Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants): "May Allah have mercy on him who assist his child for his obedience ..... He accepts his feasible and over-look his short-comings and did not oppress him nor encroach with him"[22] .
To kiss children is among the best means that makes them feels of love and kindness. The prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Increase the kissing of your children, because every kiss has a degree in the Paradise"[23] .
He (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Whoever kiss his child has done a good deed, whoever make his child happy, Allah will make him happy in the day of Resurrection"[24] .
Imam Jaafar Assadiq (peace be upon him) said: "Be obedient to your parents so that your children will be in obedient to you"[25] .
Making the child to hear words of love and cordiality is among the substantial of him feelingbeing loved .
Thus in Narration Alhassan and Al-Hussein came proceeding to the Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) he took one of them and merge him to his armpit and the other to the other armpit andsaid: "These are my aroma in this world"[26] .
In order to make the child feels his societal status and enable him deepen trust in himself, the Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) has done greeting to the children and the adult as it has come in the traditions that [He has greet the children when he has passed over them][27]
The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) has treated Alhassan and Al-Hussein with special treatment, verily [he pays homage to Al-hassan and Al-Hussein while they are young][ 28] .
Making child to feel love and sympathy is among the important factors that assist him in obedience and compliance to the parents.
It is better to make the child to perceive that the love is accompanying him in all places and in all conditions even when he made a mistake or committed what necessitate reproaching or punishing him. It is also better than making child to differentiate between the love forhim and that he was not hated in a situation when he made a mistake or committed a sin.
DR. Sapok says: (It is incumbent for us as father not to allow the child in any stage of his life to feel of being disregarded even by mere seeing, indeed the child is not able to differentiates between the hatred from his parent due to his conduct and their hatred for him)[29]
However by educating and repetition of action it will enable us to convince the child that the bad action he is committing is hateful from the side of his parents or from the side of the community but continuation of love with him. We also tried to convince him to refrain from bad actions and to make realize that in this situation the love and the sympathy will reach a higher stage.
Fifthly: EqualityBetween Distress and Leniency
Honoring the child, doing goods to him, making him to feel love and sympathy, making him to feel his status in the society, that he is accepted by his parent and the community, he should not exceed the proper bond or limit and should not allow complete freedom to act according to his wishes.
It is incumbent on the parents to lay down equality method in their dealing with the child.Don't be so much lenience to reach the utmost limit of leniency and not to be severely in all that he committed but leniency and severity at their limit. Let moderation prevail between the two (i.e. leniency and severity) in all standtill he transcend the stage of childhood with peace and tranquility. He will then differentiate between the beloved and the disregarded conducts because the first five or six years in the child's lifeis where he constitute his personal mode of life.
Verily the narrations have laid emphasis on moderation while dealing with child without negligence or excessiveness.
Imam Al-Baqir (peace be upon him) said: "The worst father is he whose kindness has led toimmoderate ...... "[30] .
It is incumbent on the parents when the child committed some disagreeing conduct to make him feels the wrong of this disagreed conduct and try to convinced him to abstain from it, he should reproach or punishes him spiritually and not corporal punishment if conviction and leniency are not beneficial because psychological punishment is better than corporal punishment just as Imam Musa bn Jaafar Al-kazim (peace be upon him) answered on how to deal with the children and said: "Don't beat him, dissociate with him but not for a long time"[31] .
In a repetition of the child'sshort-comings Imam did not call for leniency and tolerance and did not also call for continuous spiritual punishment (i.e. dissociation) but he calls for moderation and balance between punishment and leniency.
Negligence and immoderate leads to negative effect on the child in all aspect like mentally, psychologically and morally.
It is incumbent in light of free educational method to create moderation between commendation and reproach because excess commendation is like reproach for its effect on the child emotionally and makes him anxiously worried. The child that (rise from excess compassion will not be able to resist the changes in life before him or to strive with it)[ 32] .
The emotional maturity of a child who is babied delayed and his childhood period prolonged before him.[ 33] .
He will then remain in need of his parents in all stances that face him, this situation continued with himtill his old age. That is why we can find youth and matured ones in our society waiting for the community to call for their needs or to support their views or to praise and commend them. They are not also able to confront the problems standing before their aspirations. It is the same saying to the child whose conductis disregarded or who is subjected to insult or excessive reproach from the side of the parents or the children that are made to be accountable to all that occurred from them. Like wise ImamAli (peace be upon him) said: "Immoderate in reproach rises the deep flame"[34] .
That is why we find in the community the phenomenon of the perverted ones whose attitudes are hostile towards others ; they were subjected to insult and continuous punishment.
It is then incumbent on the parents to laid down a program enlightening the children the good and bad deeds so that commendation and reproach will base on what he has committed and it enable us to plant love for good deeds and hatred for bad deeds in his mind. In thisstage you should struggle to strengthen the inner-most of the child so that it will be his future plans. We should plant fear from committing bad deed and motivate him for good deeds instead of fear from punishment and motivation for commendation and laudation.
The parents should let commendation and reproach sincerely for the aim of educating the children and should not reflect their psychological status while educating them like he whowas confronted with problems and cast his anger on the child without any justification.
In this respect the holy Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) has forbade educating while on a state ofanger[ 35] .
There are some situations the parents have to be very vigilant so that reverse effect should not be on the child's sense and psychology. For example a child that break in to pieces some costly items in the house he deems he has done a nice job by making it two through breaking it and he is demanding praise and commendation for the well done job, the child will be surprise of being punished instead of commendation. The punishment will then have its psychological effect on the child.
In another situation some times the child may be in need of reproach or blame or abandonment or corporal punishments as DR. Sapok says (Verily the children in most cases are happy because the father has laid impudence for them)[36] .
The child needs a balance attention when he is sick without negligence nor immoderate (i.e. no excess attention nor absence of attention) moderate is better, and make him feel of being attended to a reasonable limit because the exaggeration method taking by the mother when their children are in sick has psychological effects on the child even at his old age, it will create a gloomy child from it, with much complaint and quick agitation.
It is incumbent for the parents to observe one and agreed method while educating the child so that they can realize the right and mistake in his conduct. The mother should not contradict the father when he reproach the child for a certain committed mistake like wise in commendation because the conduct disorder and psychological sickness that affected the child in his youth and as a man in future is as a result of the wrong treatment of the parents .....
Like contradiction in method of dealings, swing between tolerance and stress.... verification and negligence, all these development will neither create hostility or criminality or psychological chilliness or frustration and scruple or excess depending on others, babied conduct and personal weakness.[37] .
Sixthly: EquityBetween Children
The first child in the family is in position of love,sympathy and protection by the parents being the first and the only child. Hewas granted excess attention and leniency all his psychological and material needs was fulfilled. The parents will try all their possible best to please them in different means by providing all his needs in terms of dresses, playinginstruments and other things of this nature.
He always accompany his parents either the mother or the father or both of them (in another expression) he attain exceptional attention.This type of child with all these attention and leniency will encounter a serious problem when they give birth a second child, he will then commence anxiety for the second child, that there will be a competition in all angles, the new child will compete with him in terms of the parent's love and care for him, his position as the only child before, his playing instruments, jealousness will then commence right from the first day he was born.
He will engage the parents in a new unforeseen situation including the safety of the mother and the child. If the parents are not vigilant on thisphenomenon the jealousy of the first child may gradually change to enmity and hatred for the new born baby. This enmity will reflect in his status emotionally and psychologically. This increases whenever attention and care are focus on the newly bornbaby which will remove the first child from the circles of care and attention. It is then incumbent on the parents to heed to that and protect this new phenomenon to leave the first child to enjoyed the same attention and care and make him feel love and sympathy and to love the second child.
Let him satisfied that he will become brother or sister to him, that he will assist and comfort him, he is not a rival to him in terms of love and care, and it is incumbent for the both of them in reality to believe this inducement. The mother should rise to embrace and kiss him while the father should rise to respond to his needs or buying new playing instruments for him and other means of showing him real attention and care. The optimum resolution is to make equity and equality between the first and the second child because that is the protection and remedy for jealousy,hatred and enmity.
The importance of equity and equality becomes certain when the both child advance in age because their feelings and emotions developed and they gradually matured linguistically and mentally which enable them comprehend the meaning of equity and equality. They can also identify its substantial in areal feasible.
There are many related traditions emphasizing the spread of equity between the children. The Messenger of Allah (peacebe upon him and his descendants) said: "Justify between your children as you wants them to justify between you in obedience and kindness"[38] .
Justice between the children is general and comprises all portion of life that is surrounding the child spiritually and materially. I.e. to satisfy all their material needs and their spiritual needs in love,commendation and care.
It came from the Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) that he saw a man with two children kissing one of them and leaving the other, the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him and his descendants)said: "You should have do equality between them"[39] .
The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Verily Allah the most high wants you to justify between your children even in kissing"[40] .
The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) emphasize on equity in presents and gifts even in food, drinks, dresses, playing instruments and so on as it was related from the saying s of the Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants): "Do equality to your children in presents, but if I am to favor any of them, I will prefer the female child"[41] .
The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Make justice between your children in dividing as you want them to do you justice in obedience and kindness"[42] .
Justicedoesn't mean "there should be no preference" because some children attract the parents more than the other. From Rifa'ah Al-Asadi, hesaid: (I inquire from Abu Al-Hassan Musa bn Jaafar (peace be upon him) about a man having many children from different mother, can he prefer one of them than the others? He (peace be upon him) replied positively, it doesn't matter, my father (peace be upon him) does prefer me than Abdullah my brother)[ 43] .
Preference should be in veil and not to be manifested before the children, he should conceal it in his mind but in reality he should not act except with justice and equality as Imam Jaafar bn Mohammad Assadiq (peace be upon him) has said: "My father said: by Allah I will do to some of my children, sit him on my thigh, love him much, gratified him much, that the Right is for other than him from among my children but for protecting him from others so that they should not act on him what Yousuf's brother done to him"[44] .
Injustice has negative effect on the children psychologically that leads to the plant of the spirit of hatred and aversion between them, as a result of that it will lead to intense enmity and unfair decision like that of Yousuf's brother s when they threw him into the well.
The history has been on the base of spreading equity between the children of same father or of same kinship.
It was related from Abdullah bn Abbas, he said: (I was with the Prophet (peacebe upon him and his descendants) while on his left thigh Ibrahim his son and on his right thigh Al-Hessian bn Ali, he sometimes kisses this and sometimes kisses the other)[45]
Ibrahim is the son of the Prophet while Hussein is the son of his daughter but with this difference in relation he (peace be upon him and his descendants) did not differentiates in his dealing between them.
In narrations (The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) was praying while Alhassan and Al-Hussein came to climb him, he gently took them when he rises his head, when he return they return, when he finishes he seated this at his right thigh and the other at his left thigh)[46] .
The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) was on the pulpit given sermon while Alhassan and Al-Hussein came across him walking (The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) get down from the pulpit, he takes them and place them before himself)[ 47] .
Among the substantial of equity and equality is not to make comparism between the children in their physical,spiritual and psychological attributes. It is not proper to say this one is more beautiful than theother or more brilliant or more moral because it will be source of grudges and comparism between the children, because it also leads to jealousy from some of them and to competition.
Comparism leads to lost of trust between the brothers and the opposite is correct.
(Not differentiating in dealing is the greatest support to create exchange of confident atmosphere between the child and other members of the family)[48] .
We can observe from most fathers un-intended stance like his saying: verily inmy son this resemble me and that does not resemble me, even this comparism does its duty in jealousy, rivalry and the better is to refrain from it.
Among equity is not to distinguish between boy and girl because the distinction has negative effect on the girl's psychology and planting of enmity and grudges between the sister and her brother. This phenomenon is common in most countries when the parent's inclination towards the male child was more than that of the female child. They fulfill the request of the boy more than that of the girl's requests.
Narrations came in order to minimize this phenomenon by granting exceptional providence for a baby girl and educates parents on that basis as it was narrated by bn Abbas from the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him and his descendants): "Whoever enters market and purchases presents for his family is like who takes charity to the needy peoples and he should commence with the females before the males ....."[49] .
Commencing with the female will not have any negative effects on the male because he sees it natural that one should receive before the other, what mostly silent the child and not to considered it a distinction, if he obtain the gift from the parents, there is no difference whether he is the first or the second.
Equity between the childrendoesn't mean we should not adopt encouraging methods by giving additional gift to who executes good deeds. It may be beneficial and permissible competition between thechildren which did not have any negative effects in their psychology but they will consider it as permissible and natural Right.
It is incumbent on the parents when dealing with the children to take care of this situation, knowing the psychology of their children by inventing successful ways of encouragement that conform with their psychological status, so that they shouldn't feel injustice. No matter how justice and equity isestablished it will not put an end to some negative phenomenon like quarrel and conflict between the children.It is a natural phenomenon that occurs between the children in all or most of the families.
Serious argument andhand to hand fight do occur between the children, one will accuse his brother or for remising his Right or that he commence the aggression on him. In thissituation the parents should study the problems objectively that the quarrel and conflict are natural, if it is simple, uncomplicated and limited; the best is not to interfere as they will resolve by themselves to put and end to their quarrel.
It is not proper for the parents or one of them to interfere as a judge between them because to judge in favor of one against the other will not conform with implementation of justice and equality with the children but if the quarrel or the conflict repeated or continued through the day or it becomes severe and dangerous for the children the parent's role comes, to intervene and terminate it by issuing order to both of them to discontinue the conflict or to divert their attention to another topic entirely and engaged them with it or to intervene by distancing them from each other but when the issue demand reproach or spiritual punishment, the better to focus both of them to concord with implementation of equity between the children.
Seventhly: Freedom in Playing
Playing is a natural preparedness of the child, through it he completely liberates from additional energy. It is introduction to purposeful and serious action. There is in child the feel of this ability to deal with others, his linguistic,mental and physical ability. Throughplaying the child gets to know accurately the peculiarity of things surrounding him. Playing has many benefits to the child and it is compulsory in this stage and the preceding one. The children (learns customs through the means of playing like self disposition, mutual assistance and self reliance, playing add joy and happiness to himself and develop his talent and ability to create and invent)[50] .
Through playing (the child's psychology, mental, social and emotional development materialized).
The child through playing learns the societal criterions, emotional control,orderliness and mental assistance. It satisfies the needs of the child like love for possession..... The child enjoys while living in hischildhood[ 51] .
Playing is among the necessary needs of the child that is why it is not possible to deem or see child not playing, even the Prophets and the righteous ones has pass through the playing stage even though their playing differ from others, in ways and methods of their playing. That is why some narrations came emphasizing the satisfaction of this need.
Imam Jaafar Assadiq (peace be upon him) said: "Leave your child to play for seven years ....."[52] .
A narration was reported from the Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) with another expression says: "Child are independent till seven years ...."[53] .
From the commander of the faithful Ali (peace be upon him): "Child are comfortable till seven years ...."[54] .
The traditions are emphasizing that the stages before the age of eight are playing stage and it is incumbent on the parents to grant freedom of playing without pressure or compulsion with exception of dangerous plays that is compulsory to distance from the child or to distance the child from it.
Freedom of playing means that the parents should not interfere in the choosing time for the play or its type or its method so long the play does not contradict general character and no gravity on the child or on others. Child of this stage does not endorse the parent to intervene in his personal affairs and does not endorse issuing too much order to him.
The best play to the child is the type he haschosen or he has created by himself or he discovered new ways of playing by himself or a special way he applies in his playing. It is then better for the parents to provide toys and other playing instruments for the child and should conform to his desires.
DR. Sapok says: (It is compulsory for us to leave the child to administer his playing affairs so that he can learn from it we should leave leadership for him to follow what his imagination says to him, with this the play becomes beneficial. It is incumbent to be its instructor and necessary for it to submit to his thought, when he deem inside him that he needs the assistance of any of the parents to administer the occurred problems to his game, surely the parents will render the assistance)[55] .
The whole psychologists and educationist emphasize on freedom of play for the children (when children draws a special programs for their activities they should not be prevented from that because continuance implementation of the draw scheme without any hindrances on his ways is among the effective factors that build the personality before them)[56] .
The Prophet (peacebe upon him and his descendants) does encourage Alhassan and Al-Hussein to wrestle between them. One night he (peace be upon him and his descendants) enters the house of Fatima (peace be upon her) with him Al-hassan and Al-Hussein (peace be upon them) he said to them: "Stand up and wrestled ..........."[57] .
From Safwaan Al-Jamaal he said: (..... Abul Hassan Musa, when he was young and a small Mecca she goat was with him, he was saying to it: prostrate to your Lord, Abu Abdullah (peace be upon him) took him and embrace him.....)[58] .
The Prophet (peacebe upon him and his descendants) does grant complete freedom of playing to Alhassan and Al-Hussein (peace be upon them) in his dealing with them. Alhassan and Al-Hussein do sometimes (climb the Prophet's back (peace be upon him and his descendants) they have said: move (a word said to a camel) he (peace be upon him and his descendants) has said: Indeed! the camel is yours)[ 59] .
These types of work do repeats in the relation between the child and his father when the children will climb the back of the parents during the prayer that is why it is necessary for the parents not to rebuked the child on that and should allow the freedom for him because with time he will desist from it.
Itcan be comprehended from the Traditions that the Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) does facilitates this kind of activities even at the sight of the community.
From Abdullah bn Zubair, he said: (I will inform you about the most resemblance to him among his family and the most dear to him, i.e. Alhassan bn Ali, I saw him coming climbing on the Prophet's neck or back while the Prophet was on prostration position, he did not drop him until he drop by himself, I also once saw him coming while he was on bending position, he expand his two legs for him to come out from the other side)[60] .
The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) does join Alhassan and Al-Hussein in their activities but his participation doesn't mean intervention in their affairs but he participates as one of them, the prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) would do laid down Alhassan and Al-Hussein and mix between their opposite hands and legs and said: "The excellent camel is yours"[61] .
Participation of the parents or one of them with the child while playing is very necessary and it is among (the important factors that developed the child's energy most especially, he will become independent and personally strong)[ 62] .
The best way of the participation in their plays is for the parent to converse with the children with words and expressions they understand and to conform to their mental and linguistic standard, i.e. to behave as if he is a kid.
The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Whoever has a child should behaves like a child to him"[63] .
The educationist has emphasized this reality, Morris Teesh says: (It is compulsory to behave with your children like friends, work with them, participate with them in their playing converse with them with love and friendship expression, it is also necessary for you to know how to position yourself to children's level and converse with them in the language they understand)[64] .
Playing with children makes them to feel in a sublime position, it also makes them to rejoice and happy, it is incumbent on the matured ones to obey the desire of the younger ones when they demand to play with them)[ 65] .
Playing is a means among the means of educating and preparedness for a serious work. It is a (means of understanding the children's psychology and cognizance of their preparedness and means of teaching and training them morally and socially)[ 66] .
The children's play is considered reality in their sound disorderly conducts (The child in the course of his play express his problems and conflicts he undergoes, he then drops his emotional feelings towards the elders during the course of his play)[67] .
From this point of view it is incumbent on the parents to supervise the children during their plays without them feeling of being supervised, he will obtain full information in all aspect of the child, in their societal interaction, observing the speeches and excitements that accompanies the play, observing the child's method of expressing his desires, needs, fears and problems especially in repeating and increasing situation. He will also observe the child's conducts in terms of leniency, violence,emotion and disturbances.
He should also observe his view regards his parents especially when thechild portray the role of the father or that of the mother.Though the supervision and observation will enable the parents to know his linguistic, mental and emotional development, and then comes the role of the parents after the supervision to lay a complete program for orientation and education that conform to the child's emotional, psychological and mental status.
Indirect observation and supervision have more benefits than that of direct observation and supervision through participation in his plays because child through direct dealings will conceal his emotion, view and his imagination due to shyness or fear of the parents.
Eighthly: Training and DistancingThe Child From Excitements
Sexual education is the most difficult and complicated type of training. It is among the phenomenon that causes criticality for the parents. There are various ways of training base on the adopted method by the parents and base on the customs and tradition prevailing in the society or base on the level of the parent's perception and awareness that iswhy we perceive immoderate or negligence in the most method of sexual education . The children whether male or female do commence inquiry on issuesconcerning .
He will inquire about his creation in his mother's womb, why pregnancy is mainly for the mother and not thefather? How does birth take place? Why pregnancy did not take place during childhood?Why not by an unmarried girl? What is the difference between male and female?
And what were the causes?And much other question.It is modesty and reasonable for the parents to considered all these question as natural, they should not show their fear to that and the better not to prevent children from these questions because he will search for the answers from other than the parents which will cause him tiredness, disturbance and anxiety if the answer are not satisfactory or not a clear to him.
It is upon the parents to completely prepared to assist the child with sensible and comfortable answers that will satisfies their inquisitives and to stop their inquiry after being contended and he is confident with it.
The answer should conform with the child's perceptions, understandings and level of his acceptance, for example his questions about pregnancy should be answer as follows (Allah the most High place the child in the womb of his mother) on his question regards , the answer should be (you are like you father or you are like your mother) or you tell him (Allah has created two different child from lady) the answer should be in a natural form far from anxiety and trouble rather in a tranquil form so that the child may not understand that his questions and the answers to it are not natural because it will prompt him to search for answers by himself.
There are desire in children that is compulsory to be treated tranquilly and leniently, it is not severe to use reproach or beating, the stages between three and five or six years of his age, children incline towards (enjoyment by putting forward his body to others at that moment)[68] .
Some children play with their sexual organ; at thattime it is compulsory for the parents to prevent him from that but in a peaceful manner and to engage him with another thing.They should take care not to undress before the children, verily the great psychologist has resolved base on the reality of their experience and trial (verily the undressing of the parents and not covering the necessary parts to be covered do disturb the child) DR. Sapok comment on that by saying ( I suggested to every father and mother to observe that and to cover all necessary and reasonable places to be covered in the presence of the child and should not regard the issue as an unprompted disturbance as it may happen in some family)[69] .
Most children at the stage of early childhood from four to six years reaches a stage where their sexual organs create pleasure after that; there comes the stage ofpotentiality[ 70] .
For this the Ahlulbait (peace be upon them) have cautioned about the child sexual excitement in this stage and the best way to distanced him from direct seeing between the father and mother.From Imam Jaafar bn Mohammad (peace be upon him), he has said: "The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: By He whom my soul is in His Hand a child is not successful if a man covers his wife in a house where there is awaken child looking and hearing there speeches and breathings, if he is a boy, he will be an adulterer and if she is a girl, she will be an adulteress"[71] .
Imam Jaafar bn Mohammad Assadiq (peace be upon him) said: "Don't have Sexual inter-course with your wife or your slave girl in a house where there is a kid because it causes fornication"[72] .
Child of this stage copy and imitates the conduct of their parents (he did what the parents does)[ 73] .
Hence (the preferred play before that action was that of the bride and bridegroom play)[ 74] .
Forthat children will practice in their play what they witness from the parent's sexual activities and they may continue that in the next stage of their life.
It is compulsory on the parents to avert from that and from its introductions like kissing and others.
Among the immoderatemistakes committing by some parents is discussion of sexual issues in some occasions before the children, which make the children to increase in their curiousness. It is then necessary to observe precaution when having sexual inter-course even in a situation where the child is sleeping to fear for his un-expected wakening because that creates impact deep inside him and remain unconsciously hidden.
It is upon the parent to supervise the conduct of their children and ways of their playing especially in their seclusion from one another. It is incumbent on the parents to protect the children from sexual excitement, that is to separate them from each other when they were sleeping by given distance between them, they should not sleep in one cover in which their body will be scratching one another. Many narrationshave been related emphasizing this protection.
The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "You should separate between children in their beds for six years"[75] .
In another tradition from him (peace be upon him and his descendants) "separates between your children in their beds when they attain seven years of age"[76] .
The separation is general that is between male and male, between female and female and between male and female.
In our present period when there is circulation of cinema appliances, television and radio, the need to distance the child from sexual excitement is more severe.
It is incumbent on the parents especially in a country where they did not adopt Islamic system as their ways of life and exposed to exciting films to have additional struggles in supervising and protecting the children from watching this appliances fear from watching indecent films especially in the countries that view the best method of granting freedom to the children from future restraint is to expose them to sexual films. It has been established by the psychologist and the educationist the authenticity of the Islamic perspectives .
In this respect an American DR. Sapok says: (the proportion of prohibition made on us during childhood and those that we transfer to our children plays a positive role in liberating the child's intellect during the academic years for devotion, un subjectivity attentions like writing, reading and calculation.)[77] .
Consequently we see it that it censure the wrong practices in America, that is man and woman to undress in thesea-boards .
In summary it is upon the parents to answer the children's questions regards sex with tranquil without rigorous and to distance them from its different types and colors especially in the era of cinema, video and television.
Ninethly: Emotional Development
Emotion is among the most important stimulant for action as previously discussed, emotion commence since the early days of breast feeding stage then gradually develop when the child advance in age. When his societal surroundingbroadens it influences his emotional development with changes in the thought the child believe, in the limit of his mental perception. Whenever the child believe that executing certain duty pleased his parents or Allah the most High it will induce him to execute it, the reverse is authentic.Possibly we divide emotion in four parts: Individual, social, exalted and ethical.
What we mean by individual emotion is the emotion that connect with ones personality like love for possession, love for independence, love of ascendancy over others, love for societal status and others to respect him. Theseare the emotions that fetch him personal benefit.
Exalted emotion is the emotion that develops in child with the limit of his mental perception to the elevated exemplary, he will then love to connect with the ONLY, that is Allah the most High, the source of kindness, wealth, and mercy and blessing, he will also love good and reality and there is nothing like attaining personal benefit in it.
The Social emotion is the emotion that prompts one to have connection with the others starting from the parents, brothers and sisters, close relations uptill the community and the whole human beings.
The ethical emotion is the emotion that has link with prohibited and none prohibited types of conduct, like the link with truthfulness, avoiding telling lies and other commendable acts and commendable morals.
The best ways and method of developing the child's emotion by the parents is to make him feel of love through encompassing him with sympathy, mercy and satisfying his spiritual and material needs. When the child feel all this, he will duly connect with the source of that love and sympathy which are the parents and that will result to his trust in them and also to continue to imitate them and he will accept or satisfy with what will put forward by them regards thought, concept and others.
The child will be prepared to answer their commandments and executes their requests.The parents will then has control over his emotion and will be able to focus him towards a good direction, they should be following his speeches and activities especially when he is playing, it will then complement their work on developing and purifying his emotion in a suitable form with the concept and sound personality and has created equilibrate types of emotion with him. The most important emotion that is good to develop is the one towards Allah the most High. The feeling for lovewill be developed in him and his trust in Allah and sanctification to Him.
At atime he believes that Almighty Allah is the source of wealth, mercy and forgiveness, that He created ever lasting wealth in the Paradise for the Righteous and Obedient ones. It is compulsory upon the parents to develop the child's emotion towards the Messenger of Allah (peacebe upon him and his descendants) and the other Messengers and Prophets and the Ahlulbait (peace be upon them). The best way in this aspect is through narrating purposeful stories that will accomplish these two benefits.
Firstly: Deepings their love in his mind.
Secondly: Struggle to let him join their conduct in life.
Different emotion will develop inside him like love for sincerity, love for braveness,honor and sacrifice, love for sound conduct and personality. He will slay distance from all that they are distance from, and will develop the hatred, detestation and disinclined from those that contradict and stand against them and avoid their ways of life presently or in future to come.
Among the other method ofdeveloping the child's emotion is their continuous focus and guidance till the child comprehends the permitted and non permitted conducts and again encouraging having connection and relation with sound actions and personality. He should encourage with good words when he gives out something out of his playing instrumentsto another child and to replace it for him . Whenever he spokestruth or honor others or have mercy on the poor or assist his brother or his parents by executing some work, should be encourage for that by laudation, praise and commendation before him, the family, his close relations and his friends.
Dealing with childrenlike friends encourage him to express his repressed emotion and feelings, this expression is beneficial to establish equilibrate emotion and refine the unpleased emotion.
Throughexperience we will find that narrative method as the best method of developing emotion especially the method that is suitable to his perception and mental ability.Possibly we can narrate to him stories of birds and animals that possess good and bad fundamentals. It will develop the emotion with him towards justice or assistance or sacrifice or other fundamental ethics. The emotionwill be developed by loving the oppressed ones and hating the oppressors.
Stories about birds and animals are desirable by the children of this stage; they will listen attentively with interest and more desire than the real stories that comprise of many occurrences base on the imagination of the parents while narrating the stories.
Tenthly: CareFor The Orphans
An orphan feel deprivation after loosing his father or mother or both of them. Deprivation of satisfying his emotion and spiritual needs, deprivation of satisfying his material needs like food, drinks and dresses, he will be befallen with obsessions and fears, predominated by anxiety and disturbance.
Feeling of deprivation from affection and kindness has its negative effect on the existence and building the personality of the child. Through the observation of the society reality we found that most orphans that didn't get assistance and care from others do personally disturbed and were befallen with tied psychology and negative agreement with the community that deprive him from assistance and care. For that Islam bequeath special guardianship of the orphans even more than otherchildren . It emphasizes the satisfaction of all of their material and spiritual needs.
The specified verses of the Qur'an for the guardianship of the orphan are more than that of the general children.
Satisfaction of the orphan's material needs is the first needs that Islam laid emphasis on.
Allah the most High said: {And they feed the poor, the orphan and the prisoner, for the love for Him}[ 78] .
{.... And to feed in the day of hunger, to an orphan, near of kin}[ 79] .
{.... And give the wealth, for love of Him, to kinsfolk and to orphans and the needy ....}[80] .
Allah the most High makes the Right of the orphan in the Muslim's wealth. {And know that what ever ye take as spoil of war, Lo! a fifth there of is for Allah, and for the Messenger and for the kinsman (who hath need) and orphans and needy ....}[81] .
The most High said: {Say: that which ye spend for good (must go) to parents and near kindred and orphans and the needy ....}[82] .
The most High has forbade spending the orphan's wealth except in a best form which has benefits and profitable to him {And approach not the wealth of the orphan save that which is better, till he reach maturity}[ 83] .
The Prophet (peacebe upon him and his descendants) said: "Who sustain an orphan till he is in no need, Allah will make it obligatory because of that to enter Paradise"[84] .
The prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Whoever liable for the orphan enters him to his food and drinks, Allah will let him enters Paradise except he committed unforgivable sin"[85] .
The Prophet (peacebe upon him and his descendants) said: "He was joining his fingers together and said: I and the guarantor of an orphan are like this in the Paradise"[86] .
Islamic system considered the satisfaction of the orphan's spiritual needs like doing well to him and equity with him. Allah the most High said: {and (remember) when we made a covenant with the children of Israel (saying): worship none save Allah (only), and be good to parents and to kindred and to orphans and the needy ....}[87] .
The most High said: {And that ye should deal justly with orphans .....}[88] .
The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "The best house among the Muslims is the house having an orphan and they do good to him and the worst house among the Muslims is the house having an orphan and they do bad to him"[89] .
The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) Bequeath on humoring the orphan, kindness to him and honoring him. The Prophet (peacebe upon him and his descendants) said: "Allah urges us to do good to the orphans for their detachment from their father, Allah will protect whoever protect them and Allah will honor whoever honored them. Whoever rub the orphan's head with his hand in kindness to him, Allah will build a mansion for him in the Paradise wider than this world and all that is in it equivalent to the numbers of hair his hand touches"[90] .
Imam Sadiq (peace be upon him) encourage us to deal kindly and sympathize with the orphan and said: "There is no servant that rubs his hand on the head of an orphan in sympathy with him except Almighty Allah grant him Light on resurrection day equivalent to the number of his hair"[91] .
Among the protection of the orphan is to solve the problems facing him that can cause him pains,anxiety and disturbance. The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "The Throne shakes for the cries of an orphan when he cries, Allah the most High will say: O' my Angels be my witness that I will pleased whoever make him to silent and I will pleased him"[92] .
From The Prophet (peacebe upon him and his descendants) "If an orphan cries on the earth, Allah will say who makes my servant to weep while I have taken his father in to the soil?
To my Mighty and Majesty whoever pleased him even though with half word, I will put him in Paradise"[93] .
Among the recommendationregards the orphan's affair is to make them happy by satisfying their material or their spiritual needs, from respect, love or praise, encouragement and others.
The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Verily there is a house in the Paradise known as House of happiness none will enter it except those who make the believing orphan to happy"[94] .
Giving good education to the orphan isamong the care and protection to them and prepares him to be a good member of the community. The Commander of the Faithful Ali (peace be upon him) said: "Educate the orphan the way that you educate your child ...."[95] .
An orphan that obtain care, protection, love and kindness feels at rest, tranquil and leaves uprightly in his emotion and personality but in a state of deprivation he will not become upright and may take up by perverted ones and focus him to unrighteousness and will become a harmful member to the society.
Notes
[1] - Qaamoos Attifl Attibbi: 294.
[2] - Manla yahdurhu faqeeh - by suduq vol-1:182/3rd ch - the punishment for children regards prayer - printed by Daru Atta'aruuf lil matbu'aat 1401 A.H.
[3] - Ilmi Nnafs Attarbawi vol-2:132 -1407 A.H.By DR Ali Mansoor.
[4] - Mashaakilil Aabaa'a fi Ttarbiyatil Abnaa'a: 248.
[5] - Mashaakilil Aabaa'a fi Ttarbiyatil Abnaa'a: 251
[6] - Kanzul Umaal vol-16: 456/45409.
[7] - Tuhfal Uquul: 368.
[8] - Taareekh Yaquubi vol-2:320.
[9] - Qaamoos Attifl Attibbi: 328.
[10] - Ilmi Nnafs: 264 by Abdul Azeez Al-Qusi.
[11] - Ilmi Nnafs Attarbawi: 100- 101- by fakhir Aqil.
[12] - Mustadrakil Wasaa'il vol-2:618.
[13] - Mustadrakil Wasaa'il vol-2:626.
[14] - Uddati Ddaa'i: 61.
[15] - Al-kafi vol-6:50/6 Children's obedience.
[16] - Ilmi Ijtimaa'a: 252- by Lanqula Al-Haddaad printed by Daru Rraa'id 2nd edition 1982 A.D.
[17] - Attarbiya WA binaa'il Ajyaal: 167.
[18] - Mustadrakil Wasaa'il vol -2: 625.
[19] - Mustadrakil Wasaa'il vol -2: 626.
[20] - Mustadrakil Wasaa'il vol -2: 626.
[21] - Makarimul Akh'laq: 219.
[22] - Al-kafi vol-6: 50 /6th ch- Good to the children.
[23] - Makarimul Akh'laq: 220.
[24] - Uddati Ddaayi: 79.
[25] - Tuhfal Uquul: 267.
[26] - Mukhtasar Taareekh Demeshq vol-7:14 by bn Manzoor printed by Darul Fikr 1st edition 1405 A.H.
[27] - Mustadrakil Wasaa'il vol-2:69.
[28] - Tuhfal Uquul: 337.
[29] - Mashaakilil Aabaa'a: 141.
[30] - aareekh Yaaquubi vol- 2:320. T
[31] - Bihaaril Anwaar vol- 22:114.
[32] - Attifl bainal wiraatha WA ttarbiya vol-2:180 from the book 'we and the children : 39'.
[33] - Ilmi Nnafs Attarbawi: 535 - by DR. Fakhir Aqil.
[34] - Tuhfal Uquul: 84.
[35] - Bihaaril Anwaar vol- 79: 102.
[36] - Mashaakilil Aabaa'a: 75.
[37] - Adwaa'i ala Nnafs bashariyyah: 302 - by DR. Zain Abbas Ammarah -printed by Daruth thaqafah 1st edition 1407 A.H.
[38] - Makaarimul Akh'laq: 220.
[39] - Makaarimul Akh'laq: 221.
[40] - Kanzul Amaal vol- 16: 445/ 45350.
[41] - " " " - 16: 444/ 45346.
[42] - " " " - 16: 444/ 45347.
[43] - Makarimul Akh'laq: 221.
[44] - Mustadrakil Wasaa'il vol- 12: 626.
[45] - Bihaaril Anwaar vol- 43: 261.
[46] - " " "- 43: 275.
[47] - Bihaaril Anwaar vol- 43: 284.
[48] - HadeethIla Umahaat: 68.
[49] - Makarimul Akh'laq: 221.
[50] - Qaamoos Attifl Attibbi: 221- 222.
[51] - Al-ilaji Nnafs Al-jamaa'i lil Atfaal: 162 - by Kamiliya Abdul Fataah printed by maktabatu Nnahdatil misriya 1975 A.D.
[52] - Makaarimul Akh'laq: 222.
[53] - " ": 222.
[54] - " ": 223.
[55] - Mashaakilil Aabaa'a: 106.
[56] - Attifl bainal wiraatha WA ttarbiya vol- 2: 64, from the book Nahnu wal- Abnaa'a: 56.
[57] - Bihaaril Anwaar vol-103: 189.
[58] - Al-kafi vol- 1: 311 /15th-ch, Book of proof.
[59] - Bihaaril Anwaar vol-43: 296.
[60] - Mukhtasar Taareekh Demeshq vol- 7: 10.
[61] - Mustadrakil Wasaa'il vol- 2: 626.
[62] - Qaamoos Attifl Attibbi: 222.
[63] - Manla yahdurhul faqeeh vol- 3: 312 / 21st ch- The virtues of the children.
[64] - Attifl bainal wiraatha WA ttarbiyah vol- 2: 97
[65] - Qaamoos Attifl Attibbi: 317.
[66] - Ilmi Nnafs Ususihi watabaqaatihi Attarbawiyyah: 2398th editions 1978 A.D. by AbdulAzeez Al-Qoosi.
[67] - Ilmi Nnafs Al-ilaaji: 152 - by DR. Ijlaal Sirri printed by Alaamul kutb 1st edition 1990 A.D.
[68] - Mashaakilil Aabaa'a: 282.
[69] - " ": 283.
[70] - Ilmi Nnafs Al-Ilaaji: 106.
[71] - Wasaa'ili sh-shiyyah vol- 20: 133/ 2 ch- 67.
[72] - " " " - 20: 134/ 7" .
[73] - Attarbiya wabinaa'il Ajyaal: 166 - by Anwar Al-jundi 1st edition printed by Darul kitaab Beirut 1975 A.D.
[74] - Mashaakilil Abaa'a: 205.
[75] - Makaarimul Akh'laq: 223.
[76] - Makaarimul Akh'laq: 223.
[77] - Mashaakilil Aabaa'a: 284.
[78] - Qur'an 76: 8.
[79] - Qur'an 90:14-15.
[80] - Qur'an 2:177.
[81] - Qur'an 8: 41.
[82] - Qur'an2: 215.
[83] - Qur'an 6: 152.
[84] - Tuhfal Uquul: 198.
[85] - Mustadrakil Wasaa'il vol - 1: 148.
[86] - Al-mahjatul badaa'i vol - 3: 403.
[87] - Qur'an 2: 83.
[88] -" 4 : 127.
[89] - Al-mahjatul badaa'i vol - 3: 403.
[90] - Al-mahjatul badaa'i vol - 3: 403.
[91] - Al-mahjatul badaa'i vol - 3: 403.
[92] - Mustadrakil Wasaa'il vol - 2: 623.
[93] - Mustadrakil Wasaa'il vol - 2: 623.
[94] - Kanzul Umaal vol - 3: 170/ 6008.
[95] - Al-kafi vol- 6: 48/8 ch- educating the child.
Chapter Five: The Forth Stage: The Youth and Idolescence Stage
The stage commences from conclusion of the seventh year uptill fourteen years of the child's life. It is a stage of preparing the personality to become a rightly guided, matured and a member of a great society. From the beginning of this stage or a year beforeit the child gradually put an end to imitating the elders and pay attention to what is surrounding him. Then his mental ability is able to lonely imagined and able to grasp spiritual understandings.
In thisstage the child began to think personally and deem himself as existing independent entity. He possess desire other than that of the elders desire, he will try to (challenge by doing what will annoyed the family to inform them that he is an existing independent entity)[1] .
he will also try to emphasize his independence in different ways and stands that is contrary to what he was familiar with in the previous stages, he will choose all that concern or specially for him in a special form and in a way he understand, he will also possess special taste in selecting dresses, he will wish to acquire mental and scientific skillfulness single handed and try to establish social relationship with other children the way he chooses.
This stage is the most important stage the parents should display additional educational assistance to the child because this is the first stage of the child entering in to the social relationship broaden than before, that is the stage of entering school.
The child's relationship with the parents and the rest members of the family are among the effective factors in preparing and building the child's personality. All this relationships in detail leads to special attributes that accompany the child till his old age. The school also has a deeper effect on the child's personality where he found different children of high level of education or less intelligent than him and more or less active than him (he will obey them or over-come them or comply with them, which will affect his personal set up)[2] .
There is another factors that has effect on the child's personality, that is the physical attributions like, tall and short, in terms of huge and weakness and in terms of healthy and sickness.
Another important factor is the effect of the thought that the child learns in his building personality, in this stage the child increase his needs, then it is incumbent on the parents to satisfy him on that[3] .
Among it is his vitality inducement like the need of foods, drinks, dresses, and the need of psychological and emotional healthiness and freedom from anxiety need of acceptance by the society during his relationship with it and so on.
He is in need of care and commendation of his status; he is also in need to learn necessary skills for his success in the new life.
In addition to that, he is in need of philosophy, thought and understandings to conform with his level mentally.
This stage is the stage that need a condensed education and condensed follow up with observation of the independent created by the child.
The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Child is a master for seven years, servant for seven years and minister for seven years"[4] .
The Commander of the Faithful Ali (peace be upon him) said: "Child is languished for seven years, trained for seven years and engaged for seven years"[5] .
Imam Jaafar Assadiq (peace be upon him) said: "Leave your child to play for seven years, trained for seven years and compel him for seven years"[6] .
This stage is a difficult training stage for the child's desire for independence and spread of his relationship outside the family, and then you need continuous struggles in training and supervision in all that concern the child, in his thought, his emotion, his relationships, hiseducation and studies in order to satisfy his various needs. The child need a continuous focusing, guidance, education and assistance to sketch the ways of life to him and to endure all that occurs from him with ampleness and open minded accompanied with determination most of the time. The preciseguide posts of this stage are as follows:-
FIRSTLY: CONDENSED EDUCATION
Sound education and good manner are among the important responsibility on the parents, it is the Right of the child that Islam has made compulsory on the parents. Child of this stage before his maturity and age of reasoning, he is in need of condensed education and additional struggle.
Imam Ali bn Al-Hussein (peace be upon him) said: "As to the Right of your childyou are responsible for his guidance, in good manner, guiding to his Lord and support him in obeying Allah, it is incumbent on him and his child and he will be rewarded or punished for that, then act in his issue an embellish action for good effect on him in the instant world, to be excused before His Lord for what is between you and him with a nice name teaching good manner and learning Qur'an"[7] .
The criticality of this stage is more need than other stages because the child is passing through, the parent need divine protection to take vital responsibility of training. Imam Ali bn Al-Hussein (peace be upon him) said: "O' Allah favor me by surviving my child Control for me the younger ones amongthem ....... rectify for me their body, their religion and their ethics..... And make them men of obedience, Allah's fearing and percipients.... assist me in educating them, training them and doing good to them.... protect me and my progeny from the cursed devil"[8] .
The narrations has emphasize that one should undertake the education and good manner.
The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Honor your children and give them good training"[9] .
The Commander of the Faithful (peace be upon him) said: "Verily the child has Right on his father and also the father has Right on the child, obeying the father in every thing except in disobeying Allah is the father's Right on the child, the child's Right on the father is to give him good name, good training and to teach him Qur'an"[10] .
Training of this stage is more important than any other stages because the child's instinct is still fair and pure and accepts what will deliver to him in directives,guidance and advices before it will be polluted and intensification of the pollution. It is incumbent on the parents to utilize the opportunity to take the responsibility of educating him.
Imam the Commander of the Faithful (peacebe upon him) in his Will to Imam Al-hassan (peace be upon him) said: ".... Verily new mind is like that of empty earth, it accept anything throws to it, hurry to train the heart before it becomes hard, engage your mind to receive with seriousness your view which has suffice you by people of experience in his experience and purpose ....."[11] .
He (peace be upon him) said: "Educate yourself and your families with goods and trained them"[12] .
Inreality the training system that we want to establish is that of Islamic system that rotates round the servitude and obedience to Allah the most High in all aspects of life.
Imam Jaafar bn Mohammad Assadiq (peace be upon him) said: "Do good acts and remind your families of it and educate them for obedience of Allah"[13] .
He (peacebe upon him) said: "Ordered them for what Allah has commanded for and restrain them from what Allah has restrained them from"[14] .
These traditions comprise all of general rules that governed and support fair training in every part of individual or social life emotionally and spiritually. When the parents demonstrate excessive attention to act with the light of educating method, the child will become a good member of the society.
Verily the Ahlulbait (peace be upon them) would do demonstrate special attentions to educates their children of this stagetill they completely prepare them and they become top and higher exemplary in everything.
The Commander of the Faithful (peace be upon him) in his childhood stage was trained in the house of the Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) before he was commissioned as Prophet, he believed in the early call of the Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants), he become sincere in his faith and obedience to Allah and His Prophet.
He was top in braveness and boldness, sacrifice and self sacrifice generosity, humble, truthfulness and all other moral virtues, He(peace be upon him)in his own role educates his children in this conformation by rising to the top and high form of all humbleness and virtues, this also applies to the rest Imams (peace be upon them).
We will get more responsibility of the parents in training and educating when they becomes more societal distance form Islam or Islamic community outwardly and did not adopt the practice of Islamic method in reality. For the effect on the custom, limitation, thought and unfair method of training especially media appliances like radio, television,cinema and others.
spiritual, psychology and emotional training is supplemented with its second half, that is physical training that is very necessary for child to save their physical health and to prepare them for physical activities where as the Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) urged for physical training and said: "Educate your children how to swim and how to shoot arrows"[15] .
Imam Musa bn Jaafar Alkazim (peace be upon him) makes taking and teaching children strenuous issues as recommendation andsaid: "It is recommended to train the children in his youth to become tolerant in his old age"[16] .
Physical soundness has a clear effect on psychological soundness as it was obvious with the psychologist andeducationist[ 17] .
SECONDLY: HASTE IN TEACHING
Teaching in this stage is necessary for the child it is the best stage to hesitate in teaching in order to develop the mental ability the child possess and for the desire with the child (to acquire intellectual skills)[ 18] .
The child of this stage possess full preparedness to memorize all that come to his hearing, therefore teaching in this stage help the stability of the acquired knowledge in the brain and remain stored in his memory.
The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "The example of those learning in his childhood is like carving on the stone"[19] .
He (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Youth's memorization is like stamp on the stone"[20] .
For the necessity of learning, the Prophet (peacebe upon him and his descendants) bequeath the parents to: "Order your children to seek for knowledge"[21] .
The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) makes teaching of the child a door among the doors of divine blessing for the father, he said: "May Allah bless a servant that assist his child for his obedience by doing good to him, sympathize with him, teaches and educates him"[22] .
Teaching is the child's Right on the parents, Imam Ali bn Al-Hussein said: "...... As for the Right of the younger ones is to has mercy on them, enlighten and to educate him"[23] .
The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "The children possess three Right on his father: to give him a good name, teaches him how to write and unites him in a wedlock when he is matured"[24] .
Teaching about how to read and write in our present days has been taken up by educational institutes especially the schools, but thatdoesn't mean the absence of the need of the presents from teaching but it is necessary to have cooperation between the school and the parents in education.
It is necessary that the teaching should not be confined to reading and writing but should comprise all parts and aspect of knowledge.
and in different areas like physics, humanities, literature, history, philosophy and other in addition to focusing at the side of spiritual and worshiping. The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) in his emphasis on learning the holy Qur'an said: "Whoever teaches him Qur'an, the parents will be prayed for and covered in two conditions and the faces of the inhabitant of the Paradise will be shining from their light"[25] .
Teaching the Qur'an comprise all its aspect starting from teaching how to read perfectly base on linguistic laws, then encouraging for memorization of the Qur'an by observing the child's mental standard. Learning authentic Qur'anic Commentary of some verses and Chapters that the child need at his stage especially those that has link with ethics and Ideology and at the side of Juristic those that has link with different Islamic laws from worshiping and transactions and dealings.
In thisstage it is compulsory to teach the child how to worship and its introduction like Ablution and prayer.
Imam Mohammad bn Ali Al-Baqir (peace be upon him) said: ".... Till he complete his seven years of age it will said to him wash your face and hands, if he has washed them it will be said to him to pray, then leaves him till he completed his nine years of age, if he has completed his nine years of age, he has learned Ablution ....."[26] .
The child needs to learn conversation to prevent him frombeing affected by perverted movements. Imam Jaafar bn Mohammad Assadiq (peace be upon him) said: "Quickly converse with your children before you are been over taken by others"[27] .
Imam Al-Hassan (peace be upon him) while explaining what he learned from the Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) my grand father has thought me some words that I recite in (Witr-qunut) ...." O' Allah guide me to whatYou have guide, protect me with whom You have protected and refrain me from whom You have refrain from"[28] .
It is incumbent on the parents to teach the child all that is beneficial to him in his life.In the preceding narration the Commander of the Faithful (peace be upon him) has thought his son Al-hassan how to address the public (Ali bn Abitalib (peace be upon him) said to Al-hassan: "my son stand and make public address while hearing your words, he said: O' my father, I feel shy of you, how can I address while looking at your face? Then Ali bn Abitalib (peace be upon him) brought together the mother of his children, he then hide from him while hearing his speeches .....)[29] .
Among the substantiation of education is learning how to shoot arrows, swimming as previously said because of the importance of education, the Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) encourage the teachers, child and the parents with the same degree, he (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Verily when the teacher said (Bismillah) In the name of Allah to the child, Allah will write for the teacher, the child and the parents freedom from Hell-fire"[30] .
The Commander of the Faithful (peace be upon him) did encourage teaching children with the poet of Abitalib (peace be upon him). From Jaafar bn Mohammad Assadiq (peace be upon him), hesaid: "The Commander of the Faithful (peace be upon him) did amaze when the poet of Abitalib is related and inscribed and he said: Learn it and teach it to your children because he was in the religion of Allah and there is a lot of knowledge in it"[31] .
THIRDLY: TRAINING CHILD ABOUT OBEDIENCE
Obedience never the less is simple and easy except that one is in need of training and practicing to conform to ones ability for execution. The child is in need of training and practicing of how to obey in order to low its difficulties to him and create cordiality between him and it. He will be interacting with his emotion and feelings so that it will change to his stable habit in his daily life. You present it to him with interest and zeal without stress or force or fatigue or weariness.
Islamic method of education commence by laying down fundamental rules that concord with the children's development for training about obedience putting in to consideration the mental and physical ability with the children.
Regards training for prayer the Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Order your children for prayer when they attain seven years of age and beat for leaving it when they attain nine years of age"[32] .
In another narration: "Ordered your children for prayer when they attain seven years of age and beat them when they attain nine years of age"[33] .
What is meant by beatingis either the real beating or psychological punishment even though that the punishment is having a negative harm on the child but the effect is temporal that will quickly seize to exist. It is impossible to consider it a harm compare to the greater advantage that is training for prayer.
The Commander of the Faithful (peace be upon him) said: "Educate the younger ones in your house regards prayer (Salat) and purification by your tongue, when they attained ten years of age and refuses to pray, you beat them but not to exceed three"[34] .
It is better the training should not be difficult for the child because it leads to disinclination from prayer and create psychological partition between him and prayer.From Imam Ali bn Al-Hussein (peace be upon him) (He would take children with him for Zuhr and Asr prayers at the same time and Magrib and Ishaa'i prayer at the same time, it was said to him in that same respect, he (peace be upon him) said: "It is higher and suitable to them than they haste to it, they don't forfeit it nor do they sleep on it and they don't feel engaged" and he don't take them for recommended prayers and he (peace be upon him) said: "if they can bear don't delay them more than obligatory prayers")[35] .
It is incumbent on the parents to observe the physical and psychological preparedness of the child anddon't burden him on what he is not able, you should commence with him the compulsory prayers and not recommended ones. If he has trained and familiarity occurs between him and prayer, he will be able for others if he has advanced in age.
He will then commence training for fasting from the age of seven, he gradually continue the more he advanced in age but you should consider his power, physical ability and his psychological preparedness for it.
Imam Jaafar bn Mohammad Assadiq (peace be upon him) said: "We ordered our children to fast when they were seven years of age base on their ability in every day fasting, if it is up to half of the day or more or less, they break their fasting when they were over-come with thirsty and hunger till they were familiar, then command your children to fast when they were nine years of age base on their ability for the fasting, they break their fasting when they were over-come with thirsty"[36] .
On the authority ofSumaa'ah he said: I asked him when the children fast? Imam Assadiq (peace be upon him) said: "When they were able to fast"[37] .
If hewas trained how to fast before the age of obligation (Takleef) he will execute it in a best form without any difficulty.
On the authority of Muawiya bn Wahaab, hesaid: I asked Abu Abdullah (peace be upon him) how do we oblige children for fasting? Hesaid: "between him and fourteen or fifteen years, you leave him if he fast before then, verily my son fast before then and I leave him"[38] .
It is recommended to train child on pilgrimage, from the authority of one of the two Imams Al-Baqir or Assadiq (peace be upon them), he said: "If a man perform Pilgrimage with his son while he is young he should order him to answer the call "Labayka" and make Pilgrimage compulsory, if he can not answer the call, he answered on his behalf and circumambulate for him and pray on his behalf .... he slaughtered on behalf of the younger ones and fasting for the elders and prevent him from all that the Pilgrims were prevented from like cloth and scent, if he kills anything the penalty is on the father"[39] .
Imam Jaafar Assadiq (peace be upon him) in answering question regards when one is in fear of cold for the child during (Ihraam) state of ritual consecrations, he said: "Bring them on mounting and perform his ritual consecration if you still have fear on them, bring them to Juhfah"[40] .
He (peace be upon him) said: "Observe the children with you and forward them to Juhfah or put them at the front of those passing by and perform with them what those on state of ritual consecrations perform, circumambulates with him and throw stone on their behalf, the guardian should fast for those that doesn't possess sacrifice". Imam Ali bn Al-Hussein would give knife to a youth supported with a man when slaughtering"[41] .
Itis recommended to train youth on good deeds like giving of Alms (Sadaqah) to the poor and needy. Imam Ali bn Musa Al-Reza (peace be upon him) said: "Ordered youth to give Alms with his hand whether small or full of hand and anything even if it is little, because everything you intend for the sake of Allah, the intention is great after giving it out even though it is little"[42] .
He (peacebe upon him) said: "Ordered them to give Alms even though it is pieces of bread"[43] .
Training the youth regards Alms giving is the best way of training youth from reliance to the world and minimizing love for wealth from the child's mind.It is a training that will make him sympathize with the poor and the needy.
Training child at his youth stage on obedience and worshiping makes him to persist on it during his old age.
The history of the Ahlulbait (peace be upon them) is the best evidence to that, Imam Al-hassan bn Ali (peace be upon him) (performs Pilgrimage from Medina by trekking for complete twenty times)[ 44] .
Imam Al-Hussein bn Ali (peace be upon him) demanded from an Umayyad soldier to grant him the tenth night of the holy month of Muharam for his devotion and worships with his companions (when the night comes they pray, seek for forgiveness, pray humbly to Allah and supplicates)[ 45] .
For the excess worship of Imam Ali bn Al-Hussein (peace be upon him) he was named as the pretty of theworshippers[ 46] .
(He didn't leave midnight prayers when at home and when on journey)[47] .
When a questionnaire came tohim he would say: "Welcome to those who help him carries provisions to the day of Resurrection"[48] .
The rest members of the Ahlulbait (peace be upon them) are the top in connection with Allah and sincere in their worship, they were been trained during their youth age and they have special familiarity with it and they have interest for its execution.
It is incumbent on the parents to encourage their child for the training of worships and obedience with a successful method, commendation, laudation or by presenting material and spiritual gift to him.
FOURTHLY: SUPERVISION OF THE CHILD
In this stage in order to the success of the child in his education, the parents need to stand to supervise the conduct of the child and to guide him towards good and straight forwardness. The same applies to the supervision of his thought,imagination and emotion with a calm method that is not stimulated. The parents should deal with the child like friends in order to assist him in opening his ways of life.
Supervising the child's conduct in the society is more important than in the house and select good friends for him and prevents him from humoring with bad friends. Punishment should be in necessity if advices and guidance did not benefit. It is compulsory to train child onself accountability and to accept accountability from others in addition to making firm the view regarding divine supervision deep inside him to restrain him from perversion in the absence of the parent's supervision.
The way and method of supervisionis left for the parents and all are based on his life awareness and experience. Both parents need to cooperate in this aspect and the mother's supervision of the child whether male or female is more important than that of the father because he is always outside the house for his daily activities.
It is also important to make the child feel that he is not left alone by the parent but his conduct is been observed and supervised. Possibly can corroborates with other people in supervising the child like reliance on the relations, friends in fields of life the parents did not participates like the school and some other children gatherings. Cooperation in this aspect is very fruitful in giving good training to the child and to rescue him from perversion that do occurs in negligence and in heedlessness situation.
FIFTHLY: PROTECTION FROM SEXUAL PERVERTION
Sexual perversion is the most dangerous type of perversion that leads to destruction of the community in all aspect, materially, health wise, emotionally and morally. That is why Islam gives special care in order to protect it before it occurs and remedy to when it occurs. Training children to be decent is the most important responsibility of the parents. The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Among the Right of the child on his father is to named him with good name when he is born, to teach him Qur'an when he is matured and to be decent with his private part when he attain the stage of puberty"[49] .
Education on decency necessitates protection from perversion at the stage before maturity.
The first means of protection is to distance the child from sexual excitement and to distance him to have information about its picture.The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "By He whom my soul is in His hand a child is not successful if a man covers his wife in a house where there is awaken child looking and hearing their speeches and breath, if he is a boy he will be an adulterer and will be adulteress if she is a girl"[50] .
Separation between the children during sleeping is among the method of protecting sexual excitement. The Commander of the Faithful (peacebe upon him) said: "Separates between them in their bed, if they are children of ten years of age"[51] .
Separation between children and women is more important, Imam Mohammad bn Ali Al-Baqir (peace be upon him) said: "You separate between boys and ladies in their bed if they have attained ten years of age"[52] .
The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: " you should separate between boy and boy, boy and girl, girl and girl in their bed for ten years"[53] .
Imam Jaafar bn Mohammad Assadiq (peace be upon him) forbids girls going near to her none relation if she has attained six years of age, he said: "If she has attained six years of age, don't put her on your laps"[54] .
He forbids kissing girl andsaid: "If a girl has attained six years of age it is not advisable to kiss her"[55] .
The prohibition of kissing, we mean that of the stranger and not that of the father or the mother or the uncle or unmarriageable person to her. The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "..... When a boy is more than seven years of age, he should not be allowed kiss a lady"[56] .
It is compulsory to apply punishment forcontinuous practices and when sexual perversion occurs . Imam Jaafar bn Mohammad Assadiq (peace be upon him) asked about a small boy of ten years that committed fornication with alady , he said: "The boy should be whipped less than the prescribed punishment"[57] .
It is compulsory in our present time to prevent children from all that will lead him to excitement. Like stories, narrations,pictures and films that are contrary to decency, it is also compulsory to supervise the children in their loneliness and in their relation with each other in order to protect them from sexual perversion.
SIXTHLY: CONNECTING THE CHILD WITH GOOD MODEL
The child in the later years of this stage tries to likening himself with people that are more vital and efficient in the community. The psychologist named the imitation notion as quick and sudden likening which vanished when the effect elapse. This is like these present-days likening. The slowly likening is
Named as adaptation[58] that becomes intense in the intellect and emotion. Among its substantiation is imitation and emulation. High model from personality is the cause of likening. The youth do honor and dignify the reputable and ideal people, (They are the ones the general youth emulates)[ 59] .
The child most liken themselves with those that possess authority over people, among them are kings, Rulers, the victorious and prosperous ones in life and all those that has influence on people like teachers and religious scholars. That is why you see some psychologist need to shaped high model before the people[60] (it is an important need). High model is the view of the psychologist differs in different people and change due to the change in material, psychological and societal atmosphere. They consider high model embodied in a spiritual fundamental and desired ambition in life.
High level of this concept is very necessary to every people especially child in the later years of this stage but if high model did not transfer from concept to substantiation and embody in person, this high model then will remain limited to imaginations. The child then is in need of likening and emulation with what is perceptible in a real objectivity. The best thatwas embodied with high model is the highest exemplar for human personality.
Emulating the past ones is (more than emulating those in higher status)[ 61] .
From this point ofview the prevailing necessity to emulate is that of the past Righteous ones, they are the Prophets, the Imam from the Ahlulbait, the Righteous ones among the companions and the followers and the Righteous ones among the Religious scholars. They are top in virtues, honor and magnanimous in status.
Among the factors that assist in likening and emulating them is their spiritual effect on different categories of people that glorified and sanctified them.
The life of the Righteous ones is full of fundamentals and honor which people need to cling with it. Emulating is what makes the child a great human being base on whom he is emulating. If emulation is lost the life fire brandfrost and weakens the ambition and perverted from his path, he join and emulates the margins among ordinary people.
It is then compulsory for the parents to focus the sight of their children's thought,emotion and stance towards exemplary personalities commencing from Adam down to the present day great personalities. Every Prophet or Imam from the rightly guided Imams has history full of honor,fundamentals and prevailing stand in life. Good model has effect anda honorable stands in all angles of life and emulating it reflect its effect in part
of the child's personality like the emotion, the mental and the conduct, it then let person reach high position that the Righteous ones reached. (The emulate ones).
FIRSTLY ANDLASTLY THANKS BE TO ALMIGHTY ALLAH.
Notes
[1] - HadeethIla Umahaat: 207.
[2] - Ilmi Nnafs: 385 - by Jameel Saleeba.
[3] - Ilmi Nnafs Attarbawi: 478 - 486.
[4] - Makaarimul Akh'laq: 222.
[5] - " ": 222.
[6] - Makaarimul Akh'laq: 222.
[7] - Tuhfal Uquul: 189.
[8] - Mustadrakil Wasaa'il vol- 2:625.
[9] - Sahifa Assajjadiyyah Al-jaamiyah: 128 - 129 - printed by Imam Almahdi press 1st edition, 1411 A.H. Qom.
[10] - Nahjul Balaghah: 546 researched by Subhi Salih.
[11] - Nahjul Balaghah: 393.
[12] - Kanzul Umaal: 539/ 4675.
[13] - Mustadrakil Wasaa'il vol- 2: 362.
[14] - Bihaaril Anwaar vol- 100: 74.
[15] - Al-kafi vol- 6: 47/ 4 ch-Educating child.
[16] - Al-kafi vol- 6: 51/ 2 from book of Aqeeq.
[17] - Ilmi Nnafs: 383 by Jameel Saleeba.
[18] - HadeethIla Umahaat: 217.
[19] - Kanzul Umaal vol- 10:294/ 29336.
[20] - Kanzul Umaal vol- 10: 238/ 29258.
[21] - Kanzul Umaal vol - 16: 854/ 45952.
[22] - Mustadrakil Wasaa'il vol- 2: 626.
[23] - Tuhfal Uquul: 194.
[24] - Makarimul Akh'laq: 220.
[25] - Al-kafi vol- 6: 49/1 ch- doing good to children.
[26] - Manla yahdurhul Faqeeh vol- 1: 182.
[27] - Al-kafi vol- 6: 47/5 ch- educating the child.
[28] - Mukhtasar Taareekh Demeshq vol -7: 5.
[29] - Bihaaril Anwaar vol - 43: 351.
[30] - Mustadrakil Wasaa'il vol - 2: 625.
[31] - " " "- 2: 625.
[32] - Mustadrakil Wasaa'il vol- 2: 624.
[33] - Bihaaril Anwaar vol- 101:98.
[34] - Tanbeehil khawaatir: 390 by Warram bn Abi Faraas printed by Daru tta'aaruf.
[35] - Mustadrakil Wasaa'il vol- 2: 624.
[36] - Al-kafi vol- 4: 124/1 ch-child's fasting.
[37] - Al-kafi vol- 4: 125/3 ch-Child's fasting.
[38] - Al-kafi vol 4: 125/2 ch- Children's fasting.
[39] - " " 4: 303/1" children and Slave Pilgrimage.
[40] - Al-kafi vol 4: 304/3 children and Slave Pilgrimage.
[41] - " " 4: 304/4 chaper: Children and slave's Pilgrimage
[42] - Al-wasaa'il vol- 9: 376/1 chapter four.
[43] - " "- 9: 376/2 " ".
[44] - Mukhtasar Taareekh Demeshq vol- 7:23.
[45] - Al-kaamil fi Taareekh vol- 4: 59 by Ibn Atheer printed by Daru Ssadr 1399 A.H.
[46] - Mukhtasar Taareekh Demeshq vol- 17: 234.
[47] - Safwati Ssafwa vol- 2: 95 by Ibn Jawzi - printed by Darul Ma'aarif 1405 A.H. 3rd edition.
[48] - Safwati Ssafwa vol-2: 95 by Ibn Jawzi - printed by Darul Ma'aarif 1405 A.H. 3rd edition.
[49] - Mustadrakil Wasaa'il vol- 2: 626.
[50] - Wasaa'ili Sh-shiyyah vol- 20: 133/2 chapter 67.
[51] - Mustadrakil Wasaa'il vol- 2: 558.
[52] - Makaarimul Akh'laq: 223.
[53] - Wasaa'ili Sh-shiyyah vol - 20: 231/1 chapter 128.
[54] - " " " - 20: 229/1 ch- 127.
[55] - " " " - 20: 229/1 ch- 127.
[56] - Wasaa'ili Sh-shiyyah vol - 20: 230/4" - 127.
[57] - Makaarimul Akh'laq: 320.
[58] - Ilmi Al-Ijtimaa'i: 86 by Naqulal Haddaad.
[59] - " ": 140.
[60] - Ilmi Nnafs: 728 by Jameel Saleebah.
[61] - Ilmi Ijtimaa'a: 146.
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